God's Heart for You.

[Judy Harder]

in)courage
   

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When People Love Well
What Women Fear: Chapter Three
Reclaiming Beauty
When People Love Well

Oct 14 2011



Have you ever done something seriously stupid?

Have you ever been misunderstood?

Have you ever felt the weight of a hundred bricks on your spirit as you dealt with regret?

Have you ever felt the searing pain of heartbreak?

If you're like me, you've probably experienced all of these and many more like them. And if you've had someone surround you with love in these times you know just how powerful the presence of love is.

Love helps to heal and restore you. It lifts your spirit and encourages your soul. It gives you feet when you cannot stand, and perspective when you think you've gone crazy.

Love.

I'll tell you, I find that the most powerful gift of love comes when you don't deserve it.  When we've done something ugly or foolish or impulsive and we can't shake it out of our system, but love comes anyway; it's like grace-rain washing all the muck of shame clean off us. It's gloriously freeing.

I want to love in a way that frees people from the muck. I know I can't love without blemish, but I really want to love people well. People, made in the image of God, all of us wounded and struggling, hidden and weak, need all the grace and love we can get. We fumble, we give pretense, we want to control our image because it hurts and its humiliating to be found out. But what if we loved all the more those who were "found out"? What if we loved ourselves all the more because we are already "found out" by the One who weaved us?

Living "found out" is a magnificent way to live, because although humbling, it is also the most surest way to be moldable in the hands of a gracious God.

Some practical ways to love:

Use gentle, gracious words

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." Proverbs 16:24

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

Forgive over and over again

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Mathew 18:21-22

Make every effort to pursue and live in peace with everyone

"Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord." Hebrews 12:14

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." Romans 14:19

Love for a greater purpose

"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:35

Real love isn't mushy or a push-over, it's challenging and gracious and brave. Will you join me in the pursuit to in being a person who loves well?

What are your biggest hindrances when it comes to loving others (or yourself) well?

...

By Sarah Mae, Like a Warm Cup of Coffee (come join me in the Get Dressed! challenge-begins Monday!)



What Women Fear: Chapter Three



Ack!!

This is what happens when you work full time, have a sick baby and travel every week, three weeks in a row.

Earlier this week, I introduced Heather as being our other guest for this week.

But actually, Heather is not for a couple weeks, and Ally is chapter three (today!)

SO, I am going to do a double whammy and introduce Ally + share Angie's intro of her.

Thank you for grace.

Introducing Ally Bergstrom



Twitter: allybergstrom

Family: Wife to the amazing and always entertaining Blake Bergstrom, mother to the most wonderful four girls a mom could ask for...Madison (14), Moriah (12), Montana (10), Mercy (

What I fear the most? I fear failing.  Often times I might not even put myself out there for fear of not getting it right. 

Favorite book: Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers...hands down the BEST Christian fiction book out there.  Other favorites include Same Kind of Different as Me and Irresistible Revolution.

Words from Angie: Sweet Ally. Everyone who knows her loves her. She is the one you can call in any situation and know that she will be on her knees (probably at 5:30 a.m. during her quiet time...) praying before you can finish your sentence. Ally and her husband Blake have 4 beautiful daughters and have shared about the way their story unfolded. It wasn't the way they thought it would, and I have heard Ally talk about a time in her life when she felt judged and like a failure. She and Blake are two of the most faithful people I know, and I can't imagine Todd and Blake hang up the phone without telling each other how much they love the other. I remember when Blake shared their story at church and imagining what it must have been like to walk in those shoes, feeling like one decision could change your trajectory forever. I knew her thoughts on this chapter would be amazing and I hope you love her as much as we do.



We welcome your thoughts in the comments!

Love,
Ang and Jess

Reclaiming Beauty

Oct 14 2011



At a women's conference that our church hosted just over a year ago, the phrase "Gate Beautiful" kept coming to me.  I had often dreamt long ago of a ranch or a farm of the same name where we would rescue animals and orphans all at the same time, so I was no stranger to the phrase as I had long ago fallen in love with it.

But at the conference, I was struck with the urge to delve deeper into the meaning.  So I looked it up, right there at the conference with my smartphone, and I shared it with my pastor who asked me to share it with all the women present.

Those funny little letters in the picture are the Koine Greek word (roughly pronounced "hor-a-i-os") used to mean "beautiful".  The word actually comes from the word "hour", and is often translated as "timely" though sometimes translated as "ripe", "happening or coming at the right time", or more modernly "beautiful, fair, lovely".

Now, some traditions hold that the Beautiful Gate, as referenced in Acts 3, was the temple gate that led into the Court of Women.  Contrary to what its name might convey, this court was not for women exclusively, but it was the furthest that women were allowed to enter into the temple, except for sacrificial purposes.  Men and women would gather together in this court to worship.  There is also mention that this court held thirteen chests to receive offerings and charitable contributions.

It took me awhile to remember – it actually took two prompts in one week from Lisa-Jo (The Gypsy Mama) before it came to mind – but I was given an image of what being beautiful means that weekend.

I saw a vineyard, with grapevines heavy and sagging with fruit.  Not just any fruit, but ripe fruit ready for picking.  I saw that the hour had come for the harvest of this fruit.

Today, looking back at this image, I feel like it is confirmation that time has come for women to arise and reclaim "Beautiful".

Being beautiful means to be satisfied, confident in your skin, at your age in your time, to be confident of who you are and Whose you are.

By Bekka, at Moonlight & Sunbeams

[Judy Harder]

     

(in)courage
   

For when the world tries to change you

Oct 15 2011

The job that was supposed to be yours, wasn't. The man who was supposed to stay, left. The house that was supposed to sell, won't. What do we do when the stories that were supposed to be aren't? Sometimes the life that was supposed to be full feels empty. The answers that were supposed to be easy come difficult.



There may be legitimate cause to bend, to break down, to remain hard, hurt, a victim. There may be a thousand reasons to stay in your grief, unwilling or unable to let go. We can stop there, if we want to. We can live in our world-mold and be right and lonely.



And yet. Whole only comes after broken. Healing only comes after wounds. Are we willing to go a bit further and see?

"By his wounds we are healed. But they are our wounds, too; and until we have been healed we do not know what wholeness is. The discipline of creation, be it to paint, compose, write, is an effort toward wholeness ... How many artists, in the eyes of the world, have been less than whole? The great artists have gained their wholeness through their wounds, their epilepsies, tuberculoses, periods of madness."

Madeleine L'Engle, Walking on Water

The Great Artist — the Maker of stars and straw and soil — was not supposed to be a carpenter. He was supposed to be a king. To reign strong, not bleed sweat. To be served, not be a servant. To live long, not die a criminal. If we stopped there, the story would be unjust and unfair. But stopping there it is unfinished. And that is precisely the point.

Perhaps living is all about learning to see beyond what is to what could be. Could it be there is more to the story that we don't know yet? It doesn't mean that God is trying to teach us a lesson in our difficulty. Perhaps he is simply creating a masterpiece.

God made the world and then He came to change it. He isn't a principal, He's an artist. He doesn't condemn, He creates. But sometimes we stop too soon. And when we do, things seem unjust. Perhaps they are simply unfinished. When the world tries to change you with his painful, cutting ways, instead embrace the story, receive grace, turn around, and change the world.

For the month of October, I'm writing a series called 31 Days to Change the World on my blog, Chatting at the Sky. We would love to have you join us!

[Judy Harder]

     

(in)courage
   

A Sunday Scripture  Oct 16


"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

~John 15:5-8

[Judy Harder]

     

(in)courage
   

What Women Fear: Week Three Guests

Oct 17 2011

This week, we are excited to be chatting with our friends Jenny and Jenni. Here's a little about them.
On Wednesday we will be discussing chapter four, the fear of failure, with Jenny Acuff.


Blog: no blog (but you might know her husband Jon Acuff's blog)
Twitter: no twitter
Tell us about your family: My husband, Jon and my two girls, LE age 8, and McRae age 5
What I Fear: I would not say that I have many fears, but like anyone I do struggle with fears that boil down to God being in control and me not!
Favorite book: Jane Eyre

And on Friday we will discuss chapter five, the fear of death, with Jenni Catron.



Blog: Leading in Shades of Grey
Twitter: @jennicatron
Tell us about your family: Married to Merlyn for over 12 years and we are obnoxious pet-parents to our Border Collie, Mickey.
What type of fear you most struggle with: I most struggle with the fear of not being good enough. I'm an achiever and struggle with finding my worth and identity in the things I do rather than in who God says I am.
What is your favorite book: Besides "What Women Fear" (of course), my favorite book is John C. Maxwell's "The 21 Most Powerful Minutes in a Leader's Day". This was the book that really helped me realize my leadership potential and how to best serve others through that gift.

Love Me, Love Me



We want attention from the moment we slither out of the womb, a writhing, screaming mess of "look at me!".

It's the one year old tugging on your shirt hem, wanting up. It's the two year old's fifth word — "see?". It's the four year old's constant demand — "look, mom", "see what I built", "watch me do a front flip from my table onto my bed", "COME".

It's the fourteen year old thinking of ways to get more than 300 friends on Facebook. It's the eighteen year old working hard on her hair. It's the mom constantly wondering — "do people like my blog?", "why didn't anyone comment on my status?" "does anything I do matter?". It's the husband waiting for the words — "thank you for providing so well for our family".

Affirmation.

We crave it almost as much as flowers crave the sun. Teenagers will look for affirmation wherever they can find it, sometimes in the wrong places. Some look to marriage as the answer — "my spouse will be my biggest fan". Children simply expect their parents to be interested in everything they say and do, and love it all.

We are born demanding it, we grow to expect it, at some point we realize we won't always get it, and then we spend the rest of our lives searching for it.

Acceptance.

We want people to enjoy us, to find us appealing. We want people to think we're talented, interesting. We want them to love us. Unconditionally. For who we are.

It's the theme of music, literature, romantic comedies. It's a common thread in the Bible — John the Baptist, Solomon, Martha, the disciples. All wanting to be noticed, appreciated, praised.

"Look at me." "Love me."

Our Creator made us this way. Fashioned us with a great big hole inside, a God-shaped hole. He wants us to seek affirmation — in HIM. He wants us to look for acceptance — in HIM. He wants us to deeply crave love — from HIM. It's the Lover speaking — "I'll meet your greatest needs."

"COME."

"Come unto me all ye that [are looking for love and acceptance] and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 {my translation}

"God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!" Jeremiah 31:3 The Message

Father God,
Whenever I'm thinking about blog stats or wondering if anyone cares, whenever my children seem to suck the very life out of me with their need for attention, whenever I'm looking for love in all the wrong places, remind me of your unfailing love. Remind me why you gave me such a strong need for acceptance and affirmation. Remind me to look to You. I might tug on your sleeve a bit, if that's OK.



By Laura Kyle, The Housewife in Town

[Judy Harder]

Friends this is an add, but you might like to do this so I am posting this today. I am eager to see what they are doing. I do not know how to post the picture that come with this e-mail. I do know  that I love the concept of this blog and think some of you do too. You know it is your option to go to this site or not. this way you do have a choice. God bless. Judy



What to Do When You Think You're Missing Out {Come Join Our Party!}

17 Oct 2011

My family's transient lifestyle means I've said hello to crazy adventure and glorious opportunities I never imagined. It also means I've said goodbye to familiar gal pals as I've missed get-together good times and camaraderie. I've looked at facebook pictures of friends and mentors livin' it up there while I'm all by my lonesome here.

With the Relevant Conference around the corner, I wonder if some of you feel this way, too? Maybe you read the twitter chatter and facebook posts about it and feel left out? I understand. I've never been to Blissdom or several other conferences, and it's easy to believe I'm missing out while all those friends and mentors I admire are livin' it up.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to attend those conferences or regretting it when you can't. But when I choose to sit and stew in left-out feelings, the door of my heart inches more and more open 'til the unwelcome guests of ungratefulness and discontent walk right inside and make themselves at home.

I love how Emily writes of the choices we have in life:

"We have a hand in how this whole thing plays out. You cannot always control your circumstance, but you and you alone make your choices." Emily Freeman

Maybe circumstances are such that attending this conference or that get-together is impossible this year. I can't control that, but I can control my reaction to it. So, will I choose to stew in what I don't have or embrace what I do have?

I re-think my circumstances and remember all the livin' it up I can do right where I am. My pastor's sermon from last Sunday comes to mind, the one where he describes koinonia as a hallmark of the early Acts 2 church. The Greek koine literally means "common," and the idea behind koinonia is fellowship, community, and joint participation.

Perhaps my left-out feelings are just a symptom for what I'm really missing, which is fellowship with friends? Being and belonging in community with others? True, I moved to Colorado only a year ago and don't have the largest in-my-neck-of-the-woods posse. But maybe I can do something to grow it? Or simply choose to fellowship with the community I have?

The folks of (in)courage have Texas-sized hearts bent on encouraging women everywhere to develop near and dear relationships. That is the motivation behind (in)RL. We cherish this community seeded online, but can you imagine the incredible fellowship potential in growing together offline?



So what if, just maybe, you signed up to host an (in)RL event? Initiated a little koinonia right where you are? Maybe you're uncomfortable doing it in your home. No worries! Meet at a local Starbucks. Maybe you want to stay in your jammies and not go out. No worries! Invite a few gals to your home. The beauty of the conference that comes to you is you get to be the boss and choose what works for you!

Maybe just the thought of this gives you the jitters. I understand that, too. Maybe you're more comfortable signing up to attend a meet-up rather than host. Either way, can you picture the (in)courage community holding your hand and cheering you on? Because we are. Just look at all who've signed up thus far! Women everywhere will be in it right alongside you!

I may not be able to fellowship at that conference, but I can fellowship in my hometown community. God placed me here at a specific time for a specific purpose. Girls, let's stop believing the lie that tells us contentment is found in our presence anywhere other than where the Lord plans us to be. Our contentment lies in His presence where we are, wherever we are. And when we choose to believe this, we show ungratefulness and discontent the door as Christ steps in to take full residence of our hearts.

In Him, we are all (in).

Ramp-Up-to-Relevant Progressive Party!
Well before becoming an (in)courage writer, I was blown-over blessed to be the "Hope & Encouragement" sponsorship winner for Relevant. Since (in)courage is the premier go-to place for sincere, God-inspired encouragement, winning that made me bawl from the happy.

In honor of Relevant, (in)courage is hosting a progressive party with giveaways! Each day this week, one sponsorship winner will be sharing her heart as well as a giveaway opportunity.
To win it, leave a comment with an idea of how you fight the left-out feelings funk. For extra chances to win, follow @DaySpringCards or @incourage on twitter and like our facebook pages DaySpringFans and incourage. You receive one entry per twitter follow or facebook like. Just leave one comment per follow or like.

Aaaaand if you decide to register right now to host or attend an (in)RL meet-up, please say so in an additional comment for an extra opportunity to win!

Folks, that's a total of *6* chances to win! You have until October 31st to enter!

Tomorrow, the party continues at Jennifer's place, You are My Girls!  Jennifer's blog is a place for women pursuing the truth of their identity – the truth of who they are in the eyes of their Father. I love this because what woman doesn't need this reminder from time to time? And Jennifer, who leaves beautiful, heartfelt encouragement all over the blogosphere, has unique insights and wisdom on how to make this truth seep deep into your soul. Don't just visit her place, become a member of her vibrant, growing community! Follow her on twitter here or like her facebook page here.

Kristen Strong, Chasing Blue Skies

[Judy Harder]

     

(in)courage
   

Speak No Evil

Oct 18 2011



Recently, I said something that I promised to never say.

And for hours after, I hated myself for saying it.

It was ugly. It was a lie. It was a careless insult hurled in a moment of anger. I looked through my seven-year-old daughter who was behaving badly and I called her stupid.

Dread and regret filled my heart like sticky wet cement as soon as the words hit my daughter's tender soul.

I wanted to take the words back.

I tried to take them back.

I pretended that she misunderstood me ... that I had really said that the situation we were in was stupid ... but she saw through my excuse.

I then began to apologize and blurt out truthful adjectives ... but she was too wounded to hear or to feel anything other than sting of my negligent tongue.

Turning from her room, I gave her space and I reflected on my actions. I asked God for forgiveness and for wisdom on how to proceed.

That night, I tip-toed into my daughter's room as she slept. I wrapped my arms around her, kissed her head and wept into her soft golden hair.

The sweet little girl who can sleep soundly during a thrashing thunderstorm, woke up, placed her hand on my face and said "Mommy, I forgive you."

Weeks have passed since that ugly day and still, my words haunt me. I know that I have been forgiven ... by both my daughter and by God. I also know that wallowing in the guilt will only lead to more pain, so I am not wallowing. But I am more cognizant of my words ... my tone of voice ... my anger that sometimes bubbles up and out of me without notice.

Confessing my sin against my daughter in this public format (please know that me admitting to calling my daughter stupid was more difficult for me than writing about my postpartum mood disorder experience I had three-years ago) is my way of owning what I did. Not to beat myself up ... not to ask for all of you to build me up ... not to dwell, but to own ... to accept responsibility for my past actions AND responsibility for doing better in the future.

I must. do. better.

And to my sweet, sweet girl who may read this several years from now ... my heart aches knowing that I broke yours. Thank you for loving me and for forgiving me. You are beautiful. You are kind. You are wise beyond your years. You are smart ... you are so smart ... so valuable ... so treasured.

He who guards his mouth and his tongue,
Guards his soul from troubles.

Proverbs 21:23 NASB

By Angela Nazworth, who is a dreadfully flawed and lavishly forgiven servant of God. She blogs at Womb Woven and Wonderfully Made.

[Judy Harder]

     

(in)courage
   

What Women Fear: Chapter Four
Responding to "those" emails
A Change of Attitude.
What Women Fear: Chapter Four

19 Oct 2011

We are looking forward to diving into chapter four with Jenny today.

Here's what Ang had to say about Jenny.

Jenny is just one of those people who gets things done. I call her often (like, multiple times a day:)) with questions, wanting advice, or just wanting to take a walk around the neighborhood and talk about life. She is so put together, but underneath it all she has the same thoughts we all do. I adore this woman and her family and am so grateful the Lord allowed us to live in the same neighborhood so we could share life. I remember thinking when I met her, "This woman must succeed at everything she ever put her mind to..." And, as is usually the case, I have been wonderfully blessed by her stories of "less-than-perfect." Love her heart, her dedication, and her attitude about what really matters in life.


What are your thoughts about this chapter?

Love,
Ang and Jess

Responding to "those" emails



"Dear Lysa,  You should be ashamed for writing a Christian book about healthy eating.  How dare you perpetuate the world's lie that we should care about such things.  I think your book is nothing more than a crass attempt to make money."

Ouch.  After almost a year of pouring my heart, soul, and many prayers into my book "Made to Crave," getting an email like that hurt!

Oh precious friend, those kind of notes slip into our inbox and leave us feeling anything but (in)couraged, right?  Whether they are addressing something you've written, one of your kid's actions at the neighborhood pool, a friend who feels you slighted her,  a family member's need to be 'honest,' or one of the hundreds of other reasons people lash out through email- it stinks!

Hurtful emails are an unfortunate part of life. And since most of us will get an ugly email sent to us at some point, I thought I'd give three tips that have helped me diffuse hurtful email situations.

1.  Start the response by honoring the one offended.

This isn't easy.  We probably won't feel like they deserve honor in that moment.  And maybe they don't.  But us giving honor says more about our character than their's... so take the high road right away.  Here's how I do this...

Dear Sally,


Thank you for caring enough about me (or my ministry/business) to take the time to make me aware of your concerns.

2.  Keep your response short and full of grace.

The more wordy we get the more we run the risk of slipping into defensiveness.  If something needs to be clarified keep it concise and wrapped in grace.  For example...

I understand how hard it must have been when you felt....

Might I share from my heart what I intended when I said....

Thank you for extending me grace on....

(And if an apology is appropriate...) Please accept my most sincere apology for...

3.  End with an extension of love.

Chances are this person is hurting for many more reasons other than this situation.  Why not be the rare person that offers love to the hard to love person...

With more love and compassion than these words can hold, Lysa

Please remember, not every harsh email needs a response.  Ask God to help you know when to deal with it and when to delete it.

But when we do need to respond remember there is a big difference between a reply and areaction.

Reactions are typically harsh words written to prove how wrong the sender of the original email is.  No good ever comes from this.

A gentle reply on the other hand, "turns away much wrath."  (Proverbs 15:1)  This doesn't mean you're weak... it actually means you possess a rare and godly strength.

I pray you don't need this advice today... but just in case you do, I hope it helps.

By Lysa TerKeurst


A Change of Attitude.



You mean it's really not about me?

I admit it, I can be selfish, I am also a bit of perfectionist. (Understatement!)  The two tend to go hand-in-hand.

I can get a bit wonky when things don't go my way or work out the way I expect.


I want everything to be just so.  When I am working on a project, assignment or simply dinner, I have been known to shed a tear or two or more when something is not falling into place, as I feel it should.

I want to be the perfect weight, I want to have perfect skin, I want to have perfect hair, and perfect teeth, I want to live in the perfect home and I want the perfect job.

At times, in some situations I have actually thought "I'm just too good for this".

I want, I am, I have, I can, I can't – I I I I I I I I I I I I I I ...

It would seem I have an I problem.  Recently God lead me to Philippians 2:5-7.    A fix to my I trouble.

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus ,who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.


My attitude – It's-all-about-me, what I want, what I need, I know better, I am better; I must be the best.

i needed a change of attitude.

Jesus' attitude –  It's-All-About-God –  He, even though He is God  "did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped" He "emptied Himself taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men". (A bond servant was basically a foot washer.)



Through out Scripture we are told to use Christ as our example, to live our lives as He lived when He walked among us.

His Perfect Life, His Attitude.

In fact His life, His death was – all-about-us.  What could be more humbling than that?

Do you think Jesus ever felt sorry for Himself?  No, i don't think so.

He had no melt-downs or pity parties.  When struggles came Jesus went straight to God in prayer and in submission.  He loved others no matter the shape, size, status or looks. He served as a bond servant would serve.

Hours before He was to be betrayed and  lead away to be beaten, tried and crucified,  He washed the feet of His disciples, even the one who was about to betray Him.

my idea of perfect is not Gods idea of perfect.  my attitude should be that of Christ Jesus. .

In a new song by Brandon Heath –  The Light in Me – there is a line i love:


"cause in YOUR perfection – i'm just a reflection".

Perfection is not in me, but in Him.  i want to reflect Jesus in my life.


Through prayer and meditation, in the Word, and in quiet time and in total submission of His will He is changing my attitude to one of:

Humility

Servitude

Kindness

and most of all

Love

i would love to wash your feet!

By: Caryn Poling, A Disposable Woman

[Judy Harder]

     

(in)courage
   

My Story: Unremarkable Me.

Oct 20


I was never anything remarkable.

I was more the stay-in-the-shadows type.  I had a shining moment or two in life, but honestly they were really pretty rare. I was OK with that, I didn't feel a need to be in the spotlight. I was OK with hiding.

I always wanted to be a homemaker with a beautiful home to take care of. From the days of my cardboard Barbie houses until now, my home has symbolized a place of safety and beautiful refuge from the world.  I could do my thing and I didn't really have to impact anyone outside of my family or guests. I liked life that way. Cozy, comfortable. Safe.

As the years went by, I learned many lessons through homemaking. Not just the expected lessons like "how to decorate" or "how to refinish a table" or "how to organize my house." I came face to face with heart lessons learned at home. I wrestled with my own desire for perfection and striving for a perfect life beyond my means. I learned lessons in contentment and finding beauty right where I was. I learned that it was OK to be me. Unremarkable me.

About six years ago, though, I began feeling a little lost. My youngest child started all day kindergarten and there were no more children at home during the day. I had a home I loved and a family that still needed me, but I felt like my life had been pretty much wrapped around that. My home. My family. I felt I needed to reach out more beyond those walls and make a difference. But I wasn't sure how.

I didn't really feel I had anything to offer.

I didn't have any particular talent or skill or gift to share with the world.

It wasn't until I started praying for a way to serve God OUTSIDE of my home that He opened my eyes to see that the same passions I had IN my home were the ones He wanted to use. So I offered those passions and dreams all back to Him.

And He found remarkable, unusual ways to use my less-than-exceptional talents.

God is good like that. He had already given me what I needed. He was just waiting for me to be willing to let go and get out there and serve with what He had already blessed me with.

I didn't have to be something amazing in my own eyes or even the eyes of the world.

It was OK to be me. Imperfect, unique, flawed and unremarkable me.

I dug my heels in resistance at this thought, but four years ago, I started a blog.

I wasn't really sure why I needed one or even what a blog was, really. I thought of many reasons I should not start a blog. He reassured me I should trust Him on this one.

My philosophy often seemed contrary to the world's idea of a beautiful home. How could that succeed? He reassured me His messages were often contrary to the world's ideas too.

I was not a writer, but He assured me it wasn't about my perfect grammar or my {not} poetic way with words.

I didn't have any connections or claims to fame, but He reminded me He had all the connections I might need.

I was a Christian starting a non-Jesus blog. That can't be good.

But I was right where He wanted me.

I prayed He would allow me to impact a few. He opened the doors to reach many.

Eventually we were asked to start a church. From scratch. By ourselves. All the lessons I learned in blog building came in handy. He knew the skills I was going to need for church planting and connecting, so he gave me a blog long before He had us plant a church.

Then we needed an income to survive in church planting. Again, He knew how to provide what we needed before we knew we needed it. He in his great mercy and foresight, allowed my blog to become my business and expand in ways I never dreamed possible. The same blog I didn't want to start because I didn't have a gift to share with the world!

My blog wasn't about me and my big passion for decorating.


It wasn't about me shining my great light in the vast internet world. I could feel small and insignificant and unremarkable and God could still use me and make my life a little more remarkable. Because it was about Him. His greatness. His light. His purposes. And it was about how he saw me, His daughter.  I was not unremarkable to Him.

He is what makes our unremarkable story so very remarkable.

What is your story?
I bet He has an remarkable use for it.

Melissa @ The Inspired Room

[Judy Harder]

     

(in)courage
   

What Women Fear: Chapter Five
Not Weary
Lovely Limitations :: 12 Days A Month
What Women Fear: Chapter Five


Can you believe we are halfway through the book today, as we discuss chapter five with Jenni Catron?

Here is what Ang had to say about Jenni:

Jenni Catron is just flat-out wise. I don't get to spend as much time with her as some of these other ladies, but when we were planning this, Jess and I both said, "We GOTTA get Jenni Catron." She is so incredibly valuable and generous with her thoughts and passions. As a staff member at our church, Cross Point, we see glimpses of her gifting from stage and are all convinced that the Lord is going to do amazing things through her. She was so gracious to jump in with us and share her thoughts. Jenni, thank you for the way you appreciate women and their unique callings, and for being obedient in yours...we are all better for it.



What are your thoughts about this chapter?

Love,
Ang and Jess

Not Weary


I get weary.

I am weary of my house, weary of my routine, weary of my Recycling Man who comes in the late afternoon if I put it out the night before and at 6am if I forget, thus causing me to run into the street in my bathrobe.

I am weary of that bathrobe.

I am weary of my car CD player being broken since my preschooler shoved quarters into it last fall. I get weary of listening to only one radio station, because commercials on the other stations make me REALLY weary.

But a song on that same station spoke into my weariness this week and a whispered reminder keeps arriving – even when I don't want to hear it.

God does not grow weary.

The whisper came this morning while I was in the shower preparing a weary-inspired rant. Because, it's the big stuff that can really weary one...broken relationships, vicious cycles, forgiving, forgetting, and then really forgetting, when you happen to remember again...

God does not grow weary.

Isaiah 40 says it loud and clear. I always thought it meant He did not need naps. It means that too. But I think it means something deeper...something I am hungry to understand.

Beyond physical and mental exertion, weariness can be defined as impatience or dissatisfaction with doing something, with someone...with life.

God does not grow weary.

My faith depends on it. Each morning, as I rise, carrying my own weariness into another day...my assumed and asserted hope is in a God who has new mercies for me. And He does.

Yet,  I often live like someone teetering on the brink of despair. My daughters  know to say "Mommy's DONE!!" -   a phrase I taught them, emphasizing a point they should not cross....an indicator that I am standing at the Weariness Cliff, from which I often fall...

God does not stand at this cliff. And I am so grateful.

God does not grow weary...of me.

And so I repeat the truth over and over to myself. Often out loud.

So now I look even crazier on those Wednesday mornings in my bathrobe.

Yet, my newest mantra allows me to discover the Miracle of Grace all over again...a Miracle with  enough power to  strengthen me to start living my life with generosity, and loving my people boundlessly, and getting my recycling on the curb without causing a scene.

(By Nina, Songs to Sing)

Lovely Limitations :: 12 Days A Month

This month over 700 women are writing on a topic they are passionate about for 31 days in a row. I'm going on and on focusing on the Lovely Limitations in our life.  If you know me at all, then you know Nesting Place is all about our homes.  So most of the posts have to do with embracing the limitations in our homes and realizing that those are the exact things that bring out our creativeness.  I've learned to be grateful for limitations–like not having a bunch of cash, dealing with small rooms, moving too much–knowing that those things push me out of my comfort zone and into trying something new.  The Lord has used those things and others to bring about great beauty and great blessing {even a business came out of limitations for me!}.


Today let's talk about a big limitation.  And remember, limitations aren't necessarily negative.  Many limitations are neutral.  They just exist.



Over the past few years I've become weirdly, fiercely sensitive to how I spend my time.  We all have the same amount of hours in a day, but we don't know how much time we are really given.  I've learned that I want to spend my time doing mainly the things that only I can do well.

For example, I'm the only one who can be a wife to my husband. I'm the only one who can be Mom to our boys.  I'm the only one who can write amazing, wonderful, life changing–OK, fun, quirky posts at Nesting Place.  I'm the only one who can be my sister's sister and my family's family. If I want friends, then I am the one to be a friend to my friends.

My boys go to a University style school so they are in class 3 days a week and my husband and I home school them two days.  That means right now in this season of my life, I have 12 days a month, from 8-2:30 to do with what I will. I can volunteer at the school and the mission at the church, I can get coffee with friends, I can shop, I can get a manicure, I can move furniture and do projects in my home, I can write, I have the option to do all sorts of wonderful things.  But only for those few precious hours a week.  And clearly, there's not time to do all of those fun things.

Currently, I use those 12 days a month for only two or three things.



1. Following My Passion

Nesting Place is a full time job that I try to squeeze into part time hours.  I have help–Caroline is my trusty assistant and the brains behind organizing the Nest and my husband is a constant source of support and encouragement. Eighty percent of the work I do for Nesting Place is done during those 12 days a month.  Yep, I do my best to cram a full time job into 12 days a month.



2. Intentional Friendships

One of my very few goals for this year was to make good friends.  Real, in town girlfriends.  So, usually once a week for a few hours of my time I have the privilege of hanging out with my friends.  Angela, Caroline, Reeve, Kelly, Greta, Katie, Maria, Lorna, Joanne and Christiana are just a few of the sweet girls I've gotten to know more deeply because I finally broke down and realized I need to be intentional about friendships.

I even have to balance that because trust me, I could happily spend all of my free time thirfting with Angela.

I'm a weirdo who doesn't work well after 5pm, my best brain hours are in the early morning, so there are times when I get up early and work but for the most part, my body doesn't allow my brain to run in the evening.  Evenings are when I cook and hang out with my husband and family and finish laundry and take a bath and watch Gold Rush Alaska and read books.

Twelve, six and a half hour days a month is what I have to do something extra.

How much time do you have a month?


Right now, in my current season of life, if I choose to be room mom and volunteer for two or three other things, before you know it, I'll have 4 days or 2 days a month to run Nesting Place and to invest in friendships.  And when I step back and think about it, for me, right now,  it's a better choice for me to write and encourage women and have friends, than be room mom.  That is the cold, harsh reality.  My kids will survive without me being room mom.  There are good things, and there are best things.

Do you feel led to write a book, start a ministry, invest in friends?  Maybe you feel led to be room mom.  How much time a month are you fiercly protecting to do that Thing which you feel called to do?

No one else will protect your dream, your art, your calling.  Are you devoting your time to something good.... or the best thing for you and your family right now?

The best is the enemy of the good

-Voltaire

[Judy Harder]

     

(in)courage
   

Planning Ahead for the Holiday Budget

Oct 22 2011

As the crisp October air whips through our valley, my dogs unearth their winter coat, and chili simmers on the stove, these signs typically signal autumn time in our home. Yet as I spend this month writing 31 Days of Balancing Beauty and the Budget, October alerts me to something a bit more pressing – my holiday budget.

Over the course of next two months, statistics state that 90% of us will buy things we can't afford. Quite frankly, that grieves me because I know the regret that will occur when January's credit card statements roll into the mail box. The plethora of deep emotions that come into play when talking personal finance and budgeting reach many of us. Over spending often comes through procrastination. By being proactive and thinking ahead now, hopefully we can resist the last minute impulse buys and creatively tackle the holiday budget blues together.

Get on the Same Page with Your Spouse or Extended Family.

If finances are tight, this can be a difficult conversation to confront, but one that needs to be addressed right away. Take a hard look at the dreaded "B" word (budget) to determine set boundaries for holiday spending. If digging out of debt is a present issue, consider having a family meeting to brainstorm alternatives to excessive gifts. Explain to the children where you stand this Christmas, and invite them in the process of making this the most unique and meaningful Christmas ever.

Give of Your Time

A few years ago, our extended family discussed what we really wanted our Christmas legacy to look like. We concluded it wasn't about tearing through present after present of things we didn't need, or necessarily want, but truly instilling a love of giving, serving, and focusing on the gift of our Savior. The first year, we began by picking one name with which to exchange a present, but now we spend our Christmas afternoon and evening preparing meals for refugee families and delivering them to their homes. The moments we've shared, and the life stories we have heard from these precious families fleeing their homes for freedom in our country have ministered more to our children than any present ever could.



We spend time creating care packages for the homeless which my family keeps in our car throughout the winter months. Since I have a love for bargains and use my coupons strategically, I gather stock piled items to create blessing baskets to give to refugees, as well as others in need. One of our main goals is to specifically use them this time of year as teaching tool for our children to offset the materialism that tends to erodes the soul when it's all about "what am I getting or is that ALL."

Many of us spend time making Christmas cookies. For over a decade, our extended family has put a small twist on the traditional cookie making days by creating plates of cookies for our neighbors (many of who we don't know), and them delivering them door to door as we Christmas carol. It's the little, simple things that make the big impact.

Creative Gift Giving

This may not be an option for your family, but brainstorm traditions and creative ways to celebrate and enjoy the fullness of Christmas without the stress of breaking the budget. Here are a few alternatives we have done for gifts over the years – picked names, exchanged "love" gifts (only hand made gifts allowed), shared the funniest gift for $5 or under, as well as observing the modeling of the Three Wise Man, and have given only three gifts. One tradition that has withstood the test of time is giving small gifts on Christmas, but then waiting to give our one big gift on January 1st. This allows us to purchase the main gift AFTER Christmas when everything is deeply discounted, plus it draws out the anticipation for the children. It takes a lot of pressure off of having all the Christmas shopping done during the busiest time of the year. Yes, this is one of my most highly recommend fun, traditions.

Who says you have to do what every one else does?



When it comes to gift giving for friends, teachers, or co-workers try something new by giving frozen cookie dough or homemade gifts. Not only it is a frugal, homemade alternative, but your friends will rave about it being one of their favorite gifts of the season. Hit your local thrift store and purchase beautiful second hand plates, bowls, trays and baskets to use as containers. Any of those will make wonderful packaging. Remember that with a $1 can of spray paint, the color can be transformed in minutes, so if it's $2 at a yard sale, but it has ugly, yellow flowers, it can quickly become a beautiful holiday red.

Holiday Hospitality

Hospitality is about creating a "Welcome Home" mentality, a place to "make yourself at home." A place to come away refreshed and renewed, yet a place where real life happens. Those are the homes that I want to visit, yet often, we hold such strong reservations about opening our home because of what we "don't" have. Consider that reservation a challenge to find all the things you do have that you can creatively re-purpose.



Food can be simple. Vases, bowls, cake plates, wine glasses and thrift store glass ware transform the ordinary to extraordinary for holiday entertaining.



One of my love languages comes in the form of a hot, brown liquid. Yes, I am easy to please, and I think your guests are too. By thinking creatively, and barely touching your holiday budget, set up a DIY Coffee bar. Not only is it a delicious way to draw conversation around the table, but guests go home with a gift bag they will immediately put to use.

There are just so many creative ways that we can approach this holiday season by balancing both beauty and a budget, yet it does require us to to be proactive.  Hopefully, some of my brainstorming has allowed your creative juices to flow.

I'd love to hear how your ideas on how you plan to balance your holiday budget.

Join Jen, from Balancing Beauty and Bedlam, as she saves where she can, so she can give more generously and spend where she chooses.