Happy Independence Day

[Judy Harder]

Lunch with a Friend

Pray for us.  We are sure that we have a clear conscience and desire to live honorably in every way. - Hebrews 13:18

Only the good news of Jesus Christ encourages us to honestly think about who we really are and to address our shortcomings in a way that won't cause us to wrongly rely upon our own efforts.

Let me explain with this example: A while back I had lunch with a non-Christian friend. As we ate, we began discussing spiritual things. I made reference to the prodigal son, and no sign of recognition crossed his face. He'd never heard the story; he knew nothing about the Bible.

As the conversation progressed, he got around to stating his theology: namely, good people make it to heaven. He considered himself a kind, loving, and good person. And without a doubt, he's one of the nicest people I know. But as we talked longer, he discussed his internet relationships with women ready to leave their husbands to live with him.  His "goodness," as he called it, gave these women new hope about men.

I felt compelled to challenge his thinking. "What would these ladies' husbands think of your so-called goodness?" I asked.  "Has this 'goodness' ever prompted you to call one of these men and ask if he minded that you were having an internet relationship with his wife?" As it turned out, his "goodness" wasn't as good as he thought it was.

Rely upon God's goodness. As good as you think you might be, that goodness is nothing next to His.

"Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does." - Josh Billings (1818-1885)

[Judy Harder]

Refocusing

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin." - Romans 3:20

When Jesus walked the earth, He directed the focus off of the apparently "good" people doing apparently "good" things, and redirected people's focus on to God. The religious leaders were pointing to the rules; Jesus pointed to Himself, through whom relationships are restored to God.

A healthy, growing faith is always focused on the person of God Himself. A healthy faith begins and ends in God, not in rules, regulations, and sheer duty. Jesus Christ, not religion, is at the core of a robust Christian faith.

Today Jesus Christ offers people like you and me the same opportunity He gave to people in the early church. The choice is ours. We can insist on performing and conforming out of obligation, and we can try to feel good by chalking up good deeds.

Or you can choose Christ's way. You can love God with all our heart, mind, and soul.  You can experience His love and get to know Him intimately. You can stop hiding behind religious facades and meet Him right where you are. You can focus on Him and find sanity, rest, and peace when all hell seems to be breaking loose around you.

Life is not about you. Surrender yourself to Christ's love and acceptance. Grow closer to Him. Make Him—not your "good deeds" or anyone or anything else—the focus of your life. You'll never regret it.

"Rules are not necessarily sacred, principles are." - Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945)

[Judy Harder]

Grief Not Allowed

I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. - John 16:20

In our culture, it seems more acceptable for us to be angry than sad.  Consequently, many of us stumble through life without understanding our feelings, completely out of touch with our emotions.  We may be deeply grieved by a number of circumstances, but we don't feel safe acknowledging our sadness.  It's socially "okay" for them to vent their anger, but not to explore and discuss the deep hurt beneath it.

When you feel sad, anger seems like a safe retreat.  It causes your adrenaline to rush.  It commands attention and demands respect. It allows you to stay in control, and it keeps uncomfortable feelings and situations at a safe distance.  However your failure to grieve can actually poison you.

The Bible offers no precedent for us to suppress our grief.  The Old Testament depicts many people showing real grief.  The men of Israel would rip their clothes, sprinkle themselves with ashes, wear black armbands, and spend time in mourning.  They would wail before the Lord without feeling shame.

That experience allowed them to express their emotions and then move on without the baggage of repressed feelings.  When we don't grieve, we stuff our disappointments and sadnesses, and compensate for them with other less-threatening emotions, and at the top of the list is anger.  But Scripture gives you liberty to grieve, so when you need to, openly grieve!

"To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness." - Erich Fromm (1900-1980)

[Judy Harder]

Nothing to Prove

I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.  You asked, "Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?"  Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.  My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. - Job 42:2, 3, 5

Here's a paradox for you.  Those of you with a healthy sense of self are in the best position to exercise true humility. Why? Because the person with a healthy sense of self has nothing to prove. No agenda to push.  No ego to shield. And no need to fret over what others think of you. When you encounter a problem that exceeds your knowledge, you admit without pretense that you don't know the answer.

Sometimes we Christians can really fool ourselves. We think that since God is all knowledgeable and wise, and since we have His Holy Spirit within us, we should be able to dispense pearls of wisdom like spiritual gumballs. The truth is, the more we come to know God, the more we realize what we don't know. And that's O.K.!

The more we experience God's grandeur and the more we understand our dignity as his sons and daughters, the lower we'll bow before His throne—with nothing to prove and everything to gain.

"My dad used to say, You wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did." - Phillip McGraw (1950-    )

[Judy Harder]

The Perfect-Mate Myth

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. - Romans 3:23

Many of us have fallen for what I call the "Perfect-Mate Myth." This Myth applies to single and married people, and goes something like this: "If I just had the right woman (or the right man), my life would be all right."

Let me be blunt: this belief is incredibly ignorant. First, because it assumes that our problems are all external—that our real problem is an imperfect spouse, or the lack thereof. Second, because it assumes that there's such a thing as a "perfect" spouse.

This delusion keeps us from spiritual maturity. It prevents married men and women from doing the hard work and making the commitment necessary to build and repair their relationship with their spouses. And it tempts single men and women to put their lives on hold until that "perfect" mate appears.

The perfect mate myth is an unhealthy fantasy. Focus your attention on your relationship with God. He wants your attitude to be, "I'm in this for the long haul. I'm going to dedicate myself to and work at making this marriage last." This is how an active and true faith comes alive in a marriage.

Similarly, God wants the attitude of every single person to be, "God, I'm yours, with or without a spouse, and I will focus my attention on my relationship with you."

Remember, whatever your situation, God is sufficient to meet your needs.

"Trifles make perfection, but perfection is no trifle." - Michelangelo (1475-1564)

[Judy Harder]

Defusing the Anger Trap

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. - Philippians 4:11-12

Would you like to hear one of life's great paradoxes? The more we learn to be satisfied with what we have and stop comparing our financial score card and trophies with those around us, the better we feel about ourselves. In other words, the biblical discipline of learning and practicing contentment shows the myth of "I-Am-What-I-Earn" to be a lie.

Learning to be satisfied is a good indication that we've learned that God is God, and that His fatherly care and infinite wisdom can be trusted.

Furthermore, those who learn to be satisfied and thankful for what they've been given will have more time and energy for the kinds of friendships and relationships that will meet their basic needs and honor God. If you think about it, you'll find that your attitude toward money and possessions either fuels or cools your anger. If you have trouble living within your means, you really have two options: you can push harder to make more, or you can promote an atmosphere of contentment for what you have, and in so doing, relieve the pressure on yourself. 

"Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty." - Socrates (470-399 BC)

[Judy Harder]

An Examined Life

He said, "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that, 'though seeing, they may not see; though hearing, they may not understand.'" - Luke 8:10

One day a nearsighted elderly man who considered himself an art expert visited a museum.  He'd forgotten his glasses and couldn't see clearly, but that didn't stop him from airing his opinions.

What he thought was a full-length portrait soon caught his attention.  He gazed at it a moment, then began his criticism.  "The frame is altogether out of keeping with the picture," he complained, "The man is too homely and shabbily dressed.  In fact, it was a great mistake for the artist to select such a shoddy subject for his portrait."

He continued until his wife managed to discretely pull him aside. "My dear," she whispered, "you're looking in a mirror."

It's important to examine your life, but be sure you're using the only mirror able to both diagnose and heal–the life and Word of Jesus.

The best mirror is an old friend. - George Herbert (1593-1633)

[Judy Harder]

Consumed by Lust

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. - Titus 3:4-5

Radio personality Paul Harvey once told of how an Eskimo kills a wolf.  The Eskimo coats his knife with animal blood and lets it freeze.  Another layer of blood is added, then another, until the blade is completely concealed.  The hunter then fixes his knife in the ground with the blade up.  A wolf follows the scent, finds the source, and begins licking.  Aroused by the taste, it licks the blood-covered blade progressively faster and harder.

Amidst the wolf's frenzy, it doesn't notice the eventual sting of the exposed blade on its own tongue, nor that it's now consuming its own warm blood.  The wolf simply craves more–until it falls dead in the snow.

It's a grisly story, but a poignant illustration of how we too stand in danger of being consumed by our own lusts.

"My will was perverse and lust had grown from it; and when I gave in to lust, habit was born; and when I did not resist the habit it became a necessity.  These were the links which together formed what I have called my chain, and it held me fast in the duress of servitude." -St. Augustine (354-430)

[Judy Harder]

Finding a Confidant

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - John  1:9

God is always our first and primary audience for confession. But He isn't our only audience. Scripture tells us also to confess our sins to fellow believers. This is an extremely important and beneficial aspect of spiritual growth and health, if conducted wisely.

First, let me say that this type of confession isn't an all-encompassing command. That is, it isn't "spilling your guts" to anyone and everyone nosey enough to listen. Never confess to anyone who isn't spiritually mature.

Second, confession to fellow believers is an act of trust, and this makes you highly vulnerable. The person to whom you confess must be able to keep your confession confidential. If you can't trust your confidant, he shouldn't be your confidant. To be of value, confession must be honest and complete – you must feel safe in your selection of confidant.

So, stay true to God's instruction to confess our sins to one another, but be wise and be cautious.

The worst of my actions and feelings do not seem to me so offensive as the cowardice of not daring to admit them.  -Montaigne (1533-1592)3

[Judy Harder]

The Perfect-Mate Myth

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. - Romans 3:23

Many of us have fallen for what I call the "Perfect-Mate Myth." This Myth applies to single and married people, and goes something like this: "If I just had the right woman (or the right man), my life would be all right."

Let me be blunt: this belief is incredibly ignorant. First, because it assumes that our problems are all external—that our real problem is an imperfect spouse, or the lack thereof.  Second, because it assumes that there's such a thing as a "perfect" spouse.

This delusion keeps us from spiritual maturity. It prevents married men and women from doing the hard work and making the commitment necessary to build and repair their relationship with their spouses. And it tempts single men and women to put their lives on hold until that "perfect" mate appears.

The perfect mate myth is an unhealthy fantasy. Focus your attention on your relationship with God. He wants your attitude to be, "I'm in this for the long haul. I'm going to dedicate myself to and work at making this marriage last." This is how an active and true faith comes alive in a marriage.

Similarly, God wants the attitude of every single person to be, "God, I'm yours, with or without a spouse, and I will focus my attention on my relationship with you."

Remember, whatever your situation, God is sufficient to meet your needs.

"Trifles make perfection, but perfection is no trifle." - Michelangelo (1475-1564)