Happy Independence Day

[Judy Harder]

Leading Worship At Home

Men, we were created for worship. It enhances and expresses intimacy with the Lord, and brings both Him and us great pleasure. Yet many men tighten up just saying grace before dinner. Public worship—even if it's only in front of your family may cause you to feel as nervous as a third baseman charging a short-hopper with the game on the line in the bottom of the ninth.

Most of us have been there. And most of us have also blamed it on our lack of experience praying in public. Yet for the vast majority of men, that's not really the issue. The real issue is that you don't have enough experience praying in private! Deepening your private life of worship will naturally embolden your public life of worship. And the first place it'll bring benefit is in your ability to provide better spiritual leadership in your home.

Guys, no one in your home should be more comfortable with worship and prayer than you. Your family absolutely needs you to lead them. Feeling funny about it is no excuse.

Start small, but be courageous and committed to growth. You simply cannot and must not "chicken out" when your family looks to you for spiritual leadership. The Holy Spirit is waiting for you to step up to the plate, and He'll meet you there. That's a promise from God.

[Judy Harder]

Parental Teamwork

Ephesians 6:4

Men, as the father in the home, you shoulder a great responsibility in raising your children. How will you and your wife go about it? What standards will you choose? How will you discipline? What values will you teach and demonstrate?

These questions are crucial; and whether it's intentional or merely by default, they're all communicated to your children. Intentionality is the key; and it's a huge help when you and your wife are on the same page.

You and your wife can provide two basic elements in your home that are invaluable to helping your children become the individuals God wants them to be. One is consistency. There are few things worse than one parent operating off one set of values while the other confuses, and ultimately, sabotages those principles with a competing set of values. Parents must strive to agree on core values—living them and passing them on in a unified front to their kids.

The second important concept in raising kids is teamwork. Guys, surrender your individual rights and the blatant exertion of authority and be your wife's teammate. Help her. Share duties. Pitch in. And never undermine your wife's position by making yourself appear more important in the eyes of your children.

Instead, help your children learn to honor their mother and to appreciate the value of a woman. This bedrock principle will have a tremendous impact on your kids' future.

[Judy Harder]

Rebooting Your Marriage

I host a weekday call-in radio show with five other counselors called New Life Live! Since we handle many calls each day, it's easy to spot common themes that arise.

One common theme is the one about blaming and judging a wife who "just isn't enough" for a man. It's amazing the mental gyrations some men will go through not to take responsibility. One day we commented that the worst-selling T-shirt we could market would say, "It was my fault." No guys would buy it!

Here's an idea for another T-shirt message: "You're not to blame for my problems." But let's not wait for that T-shirt to land in stores to own that truth. Because when we own this, we're humbled and ready to do what needs doing: asking for forgiveness.

Every computer has a reboot key that allows for fresh starts. Everything cranks up as if it were doing it for the first time. For individuals, the reboot key is called confession. Confession realigns the person with God and removes the stain of denial. The reboot key for a relationship is asking for forgiveness. It places the relationship back at ground zero. It doesn't ensure that forgiveness will be granted, but at least from the point of forgiveness the relationship has an opportunity to flourish. Men, if you and your marriage are stuck, consider the most humbling thing you can do: Ask your wife to forgive you.

[Judy Harder]

Submitting To Scripture

Men, no one in your home should be better and quicker at submitting to what Scripture teaches than you. In a recent marriage class several women were asked, "What's the one thing that impresses you most about your husband?" One woman responded, "[My husband] is much quicker to submit to the teaching of Scripture than I am. He's quick to fix anything in his life that he feels doesn't line up with Scripture. He has always been submissive to God's ways, and this makes me trust him and feel one with him."

This woman's husband leads by example. What could possibly be more fitting or effective? And did you pick up on the security this woman feels because her husband is receptive and responsive to God's word? Guys, this woman's not the exception; she's the norm. When you submit to Scripture, it fortifies your wife's trust and respect for you. And note the irony here: even though Scripture exposes your flaws, your wife's trust and respect grows—as does her willingness to give you the benefit of the doubt when needed. So long, that is, as you're submitting to God.

On the other hand, your failure to submit to Scripture invites disorder, confusion, and fear into your home. It puts a formidable stumbling block in your pathway to oneness—not only with your wife, but with all members of your family. To put is plainly, men, God is not pleased with spiritual leaders who harbor sin.

[Judy Harder]

A Peculiarly Male Problem

Although pornographic consumption is on the rise among females, it's still considered—and has historically been—a male problem. But because consumption of pornography is recognized as largely a male issue, and because it usually begins in adolescence, many adults have become increasingly inclined to tell boys that what they're doing is normal. That satisfying their curiosity with pornography, and gratifying their hormonal urges, is a natural right of passage to manhood. This is exceedingly dangerous counsel.

Based upon my counseling experience, I believe the pornography has trapped more young men, and haunted them throughout their adult lives, than any other problem.

Don't misunderstand me. Not all men who struggle with pornography are sexual addicts. However, that's no cause whatsoever to minimize the issue. If you become accustomed to the world of pornographic fantasy you're at great risk to do great damage.

Eventually it will ruin your relationship with God, your feeling of self-worth, your ability to relate to women, and it can potentially destroy your marriage. But even if your marriage does stay intact, pornography steadily and surely steals the potential for true intimacy with your wife. True, you're present in body, but your mind is somewhere else—entertaining thoughts and fantasies of other women who, in their own tragic way, have also been victimized by the pornographic industry. Wake up, men: fantasizing over pornographic images is neither natural nor trivial.   

[Judy Harder]

Giving Thanks Through Everything

Thanksgiving goes deep into our national heritage. In fact, the newly formed United States first recognized Thanksgiving as a national holiday during the administration of our country's first president: George Washington. These are words in which President Washington introduced it:

"Whereas, it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor;

[Therefore], both the houses of Congress have...requested me 'to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God...Now, therefore, I do recommend next, to be devoted by the people of the states to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be, that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country."

But men, the call to give thanks goes even deeper into our identity and responsibility as disciples of Jesus Christ. Giving thanks is an essential aspect of worship; and worship is the very reason for our existence. Therefore, men, take the time to reflect on and respond to this question: what has God done in your life that calls for thanksgiving today?

[Judy Harder]

It's Big Business

Guys, when you think of big business in America, what comes to mind? Computers, oil, professional sports, the automotive industry? How about pornography? If it doesn't, it should.

That's because pornography is now considered to be more than a $10 billion-a-year business in America. Yes, you heard me correctly; I said billion! This isn't exactly a new development either. As far back as 1985, the Ladies Home Journal gave an excellent exposé regarding the extent of that industry's sprawling empire. Listen to these findings:

·         Americans spent far more on pornographic material than the $6.2 billion grossed by all three major television networks—ABC, NBC, and CBS—combined.

·         More than 20 million Americans buy sexually oriented magazines every month.

·         Fifteen percent of all videos sold in the United States are sexually explicit in nature.

The problem's not getting better either. In fact, between 1985 and now, pornography's become more accepted by mainstream culture, and more easily accessible to a wider audience—largely through growing mediums like cable and satellite television, and the internet. In other words, pornography possesses a large and ever-growing claim upon the inner lives, the leisure time, and the discretionary income of multiplied millions of Americans.

If you're one of these people, you need to find a way to stop. This isn't a harmless pastime. You're destroying yourself, your loved ones, and contributing to our society's undoing. Seek and secure whatever help you need, like our Every Man's Battle workshop, but please stop!

[Judy Harder]

Portrait Of A Son

There once lived a wealthy widower who shared a passion for collecting art with his son. Priceless works adorned the family estate.

Then the war came. The son enlisted, and after only a few weeks, the father's worst fears were realized: his son was killed in action.

Months later the old man, still grieving, answered a knock on the door. "I was a friend of your son," said the stranger at the door, "He was rescuing me when he died. I have something I want to give you." And he gave the father a portrait he had painted of the man's son! It wasn't a masterpiece, but precious nonetheless. The old man was overcome with emotion and gratitude.

When the old man died, his paintings were slated for auction. The event began with a painting that wasn't on the docket—the painting of the man's son.

Bidding opened at $100. Silence. "Who cares about that painting?" someone cried, "Let's get to the good stuff." Voices clamored in agreement.

Finally, an elderly gentleman asked, "Will you take $10? That's all I have, but I knew the lad and would love to have the portrait." After more silence, the auctioneer said, "Going once, going twice. Gone."

Then to everyone's surprise, the auctioneer closed the auction! Stunned disbelief filled the room. "What do you mean?" voices demanded, "There's still millions of dollars of art here!"

The auctioneer replied, "It's really quite simple. According to the will of the father, whoever takes his son gets it all."

It's the same with us . . . whoever takes the Son in faith receives all the Father's benefits!

[Judy Harder]

Who Buys Pornography?

The United States Advisory Board for Social Concerns reports that minors read over 70 percent of all pornographic magazines. Further estimates indicate that most hard-core porn viewers are under twenty years of age. To a large extent, then, our nation's young people are financing the pornographic industry.

Further still, adults who seek treatment for pornography addiction almost always attest to exposure during childhood. Whether these adults are involved in multiple affairs, self-gratification, or prostitution, they usually share the experience of getting started years earlier with what seemed to be harmless magazines containing nude photographs.

My point is this: if you have a teenager, he or she is a target for the pornography industry. Therefore, be observant of their behavior, and prepared to take immediate and decisive action if pornography is discovered.

If you discover evidence of porn usage—a phone bill, a book, a magazine, a video—don't simply take the child's word that it was a one-time experience. In most cases, it's the tip of the iceberg.

Adolescents caught up in this problem are usually much too ashamed to ask for help, and too emotionally immature to realize there may be a problem. So even if your child has a history of honesty, it's much wiser to at least consider that your child may be trying to hide a bigger problem.

If you ignore the evidence, you may be ignoring you child's subconscious attempt to get help.

[Judy Harder]

No Other Gods

Exodus 20:1-17

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Even if we don't practice a particular religion, we do worship something. Our hearts, souls, and minds can't exist in a vacuum. We're all under allegiance to some set of beliefs. Our love and need to be loved drive us to the feet of some god. Part of our inventory needs to include looking to see who or what brings us to our knees.

The first commandment God gave says, "You must not have any other god but me" (Exodus 20:3). He repeated the same command after the children of Israel had wandered forty years in the wilderness, adding some explanations: "I am the LORD your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery. You must not have any other god but me" (Deuteronomy 5:6-7). Once when Jesus was talking with some people, "An expert in religious law tried to trap him with this question: 'Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?' Jesus replied, '"You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment'_" (Matthew 22:35-38).

If we want to reorder our lives according to God's design, it is helpful to start with the standard he set up-the Ten Commandments. He begins by simply asking that we recognize him as God. Are we willing to admit that our Creator and Rescuer is fully deserving of our wholehearted love and commitment? Are we willing to turn away from our other gods to worship him alone?

If we give God the proper place in our lives, all of his commandments should follow naturally.