"ANDY ROONEY" by Andy Rooney

[Warph]

Why I Love My Job
by Andy Rooney

The other day, I started making a list of famous people I knew during World War II. I was prompted to do this because of the 67th anniversary of D-Day this week.

During the war, as a reporter for the Army newspaper, The Stars and Stripes, I often had occasion to interview Gen. Dwight Eisenhower. He was the first and one of the best famous people I ever knew. I was a private and Eisenhower was a 4-star general but it isn't going too far to say we were friends. I called him "General" and "Sir," but instead of "Private," he called me "Andy."

I interviewed Eisenhower at least 25 times in his office at 20 Grosvenor Square in London. Ike liked to talk to me because he knew I had a closer connection and more first-hand knowledge of his soldiers than he did.

I knew Gen. George Patton, too, but I didn't like him. Ike and Patton went to West Point, where they were in the same class. Everyone liked Ike, but few people except, maybe, Ike, liked Patton. George Patton was arrogant. Some people considered him a good general but I never thought so.

I met the great actor Clark Gable in London during the war. Clark was an Army officer in the public relations office of the B-17 bomb group. I visited him in his office often and found him to be a nice guy.

The Stars and Stripes offices were in the London Times building near Fleet Street, where all the other newspapers also had their offices. The offices of the wire services AP, UPI and INS were nearby.

Because I covered the Eighth Air Force, every time they went on a raid over Germany I went to an air base to interview the returning fliers — if they returned. I got to be good friends with reporters from all the London, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and Dallas newspapers. It was the experience of a lifetime for a young man who'd just come from editing his college newspaper.

The great Hal Boyle became my friend, as did Dick Tregaskas, Jack Thompson, Charles Collingwood, Bob Considine and Walter Cronkite. They took me in as one of them. The great advantage I had over them was that my stories appeared in the Army newspaper in London. All the soldiers in Europe could read them.

As a reporter, you can't beat that because you have to be honest and accurate, but you're also appreciated. You know someone is reading what you write. If you were in France during the war and your story appeared in a Chicago newspaper, it could be days or weeks before you knew. Every newsman wants to see what he wrote today in the paper tomorrow.

I think journalism is the most interesting and important work there is.

Most people think their business is interesting. My father sold the felts on which paper is run off on wet sheets and he thought this dull process was the most fascinating business in the world. I realized when I got to know this about Dad that everyone thinks whatever they do is interesting. (I think, by the way, that I have the most interesting job in the world doing commentary for "60 Minutes" and writing this column.)

The thing that interests people most about their job is often the money they make doing it. That seems wrong, and I feel sorry for anyone who works for the money alone. The only fun they have is when they get paid. I like the money, but I love my work.

Don't tell my bosses, but I've been working for a long time now and I like it so much that I might even do it for nothing.

[larryJ]

Nice post, warph, thanks.  Andy Rooney is a big favorite of mine.

Larryj

[Warph]

Tools Of My Trade
by Andy Rooney

This morning, I was trying to think of something to write about and I started looking at all the tools I have on top of my desk or in the drawers. Since all I do for a living is write, how in the world did I get tied up with so many tools?

My ancient Underwood No. 5 typewriter sits on a shelf across the room, much loved but unused. It was a great tool and I wrote thousands of television scripts and six books on it but I haven't hit a key on it in years. It's been replaced by my computer, which is as much an advance over the typewriter as the typewriter was over pen and pencil. Using the computer still makes me feel disloyal, though.

Some tools take up more room than they're worth. The stapler is always there, but I haven't stapled two pieces of paper together in more than a year. Maybe three years. It would serve them right if I stapled the two staplers together.

There are two magnifying glasses on my desk and, although there's nothing wrong with my sight, I often use one of them. I don't know why I have two. Maybe one to find the other.

I have several different calendars on my desk. My favorite has all the days of the week listed in separate rows. I can see what I'm doing every Monday of the month.

I must have at least 10 pencils, although I never write anything in pencil anymore. Pens are better than they used to be, but pencils have stayed the same. The best part of my day in years past was sharpening pencils, but I no longer bother. The word "sharpen" even sounds funny to me now. I don't know why we started using the word "sharpen" to describe putting a point on a lead pencil. And speaking of pencils, getting the lead in a wooden stick so precisely must be some trick. I do a lot of woodworking, but I couldn't make pencils.

They always put a piece of rubber on the end of a pencil and call it an eraser. Few erasers really work, though, and they must make pencils more expensive.

I have a lot of ballpoints in my desk, but I seldom use pens today, either.

My father gave me a Parker Duo fold fountain pen when I was young, and it was the best pen of its day. Most pens no longer need to be filled because they come with built-in ink cartridges. I think most pen-and-pencil sets were used as gifts. People don't buy them much today.

I have lots of notepads on my desk, but paper seems to be going out of style, too. I don't use much now. When I finish writing my column, I don't have to print or copy it. All I do is call my assistant and she emails it to my editor. How great and environmentally friendly is that?

[Warph]

Nice post, warph, thanks.  Andy Rooney is a big favorite of mine.

Larryj

Mine, too... I finally got tired of watching "60 Minutes" because they were soooooo liberal but would switch over at 5 min. to 7 to always watch what Andy had to say.  He's definately a culture icon. 

[Warph]

If the major airlines don't stop nickel-and-diming the public with all sorts of new fees and fare increases potential passengers may consider using other modes of transportation. Air travel has become quite an unpleasant experience for a number of reasons. I'm not going to mention any names of airlines; they know who they are.

It's almost impossible for the average person to figure out how much they'll actually have to pay before boarding a plane. It's not until we get to the airport and start checking in that we realize it might cost an extra $100 to fly somewhere if we check our bags. There are still airlines that allow you to check the first bag for free, but additional bags cost $25 to $35 each. And God help you if the bag you check is overweight; then the airlines charge you from $50 to $150.

There's an airline that charges you for carry-on bags that don't fit under the seat in front of you. I remember reading that that airline thinks charging this fee will help in the boarding process and allow the plane to have an on-time departure. Who are they kidding? My suggestion to anyone who flies is to pack light.

If you want to eat something on a plane, most airlines now charge you for a snack or a meal. Some airlines do still hand out a bag of peanuts or pretzels for free.

Airfares have been raised several times already this year...in addition to all the extra fees you may have to pay for certain seats, snacks and entertainment. If you travel with your dog, some airlines charge you an extra $150. The airline should just give your pooch the seat next to you if you have to pay $150 more!

Do you remember pay toilets? If the airlines have their way, someday we'll have to insert four quarters to use a lavatory on plane. When is this madness going to end? I think the airlines should just raise fares again and stop adding new fees.

I had to fly somewhere recently and I was interested in exchanging my middle seat for an aisle seat. I was told by the person who checked me in that if I wanted an exit row seat, a certain aisle seat, or a bulkhead seat, it would cost an additional $30. Those seats are now considered in "preferred" locations on a plane and are more desirable, so they carry an extra fee. I think that's outrageous.

I have some advice for the airlines: Just start with the base price of a flight — like what appears on a new car sticker — and then offer various options, or flight packages. For example, if your fare is $250 or more, you can purchase the tourist-class package, which includes two checked bags under 30 pounds, a seat of your choice anywhere in coach, two trips to the bathroom, two bottles of water, a pillow, a small sandwich with a bag of peanuts, and a copy of the New York Times.

Air-conditioning and seat belts are, of course, always provided to each passenger free of charge!

[Warph]

You Can Count on Me to Complain!
by Andy Rooney

If you've been reading my columns for the last 30 years, you know I earn my living by complaining and commenting on things that bother me. These days, there are quite a few situations that annoy me. Here's just a sampling:

♦ Often, when I'm in a store, I end up in the checkout line that takes the longest. Someone in front of me is paying with a check that has to be validated by the store manager. The manager is nowhere to be found. The other people in line start looking at each other in disgust. This happens to me all the time.

♦ When you take a vacation to a wonderful Caribbean Island, a local comes up to you on the street and says, "You shouldn't have eaten in that restaurant because it's under new management and the food isn't that good anymore." Thank you for telling us this after we've already paid the bill.

♦ When you fly somewhere, the seat assigned to you is usually at the rear of the plane, so you board early. Then, it takes what seems like eternity to disembark.

♦ If you call your doctor for an appointment, you end up on hold for half an hour.

♦ If you go into a store looking for a present, there's never a clerk around when you need help. Only when you don't need assistance does a clerk materialize, offering to help you.

♦ You can count on the fact that when you're shopping for a new car, at some point the salesman will say, "I'll have to ask my manager."

♦ Also, when you're having car trouble, you invariably discover that it wasn't wise to have purchased the first model year of that car.

♦ The line is always long when you enter the bank to cash a check and you only have 15 minutes until you have to be back at work.

♦ You have a coupon for a free meal in your favorite restaurant, and you realize when you're ready to pay the bill that the coupon expired the day before.

♦ The day you have extra time to take a walk in the park is the day there are 40 mph winds.

♦ Canceling magazine subscriptions seems virtually impossible. You finally find the correct number to call and think you've cancelled your subscription, only to receive a card in the mail the following month telling you your subscription is up for renewal.

♦ The daily newspaper is delivered to the house and your favorite section is missing.

♦ Once every couple of years, you read a story in the paper about which states can't balance their budgets and may face a shutdown.

♦ Reading stories about cracks in airplanes the day before you have to fly somewhere.

♦ There's a sale going on at your favorite clothing store, but when you arrive you find out the suit you wanted is sold out.

♦ When you're about to get into the car to drive to work, you realize you have a flat tire. It's also the morning that you have an important meeting with the boss.

♦ All of your children have gone off to college and you'd like to sell the house, but you know the real estate market is soft and it's not the right time to sell. Besides, the kids start whining that they love the house and all their old stuff is still in the attic.

Aren't you glad I can't think of anything else?