Some Good Advise

[Teresa]

Mammograms

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry.  By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the  following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home. 

EXERCISE  ONE: 

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in  door.  Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. 

Hold that position for five seconds.  Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective  enough.. 


EXERCISE  TWO: 

Visit your garage at 3AM   when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect.  Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car.  Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.  Turn over and repeat with the other breast. 

EXERCISE  THREE: 

Freeze two metal bookends overnight.  Strip to the waist.  Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.. 

Smash the bookends together as hard as you can.  Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again. 


NOW~~~~YOU  ARE TOTALLY PREPARED !