Newbrassky

[Silver Creek Slim]

 

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim slides into camp and goes into the dugout and sees Newt. "I'm sorry in must be in the wrong dugout." 

[Delmonico]

Delmonico opens the door slightly and Duke comes out a pees on Slim's leg.  He then goes back in and the door is lammed shut and latched.    (Duke ain't no dummy, he knows which side his bread is buttered on.)

Slim is begaining to wonder which side his is buttered on when the window opens and a slice of bread comes flying out.  Slim picks up the bread and then he knows, the side that landed face down.)

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

The Frumpy Fairy Godmother glares at Duke. Vastly ashamed of his poor behaviour, Duke slips back out of the dugout and grovels at Slim's feet for forgiveness.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"He are forgiven Duke. Just be careful who ya take advice from." 

[Delmonico]

Slim does not notice the smirk on the dogs face and turns aroud to unsaddle his horse.  He is bit on the arse by the yallar dog who runs quickly back to the dugout where the door is opened just enough to let him in.  Delmonico then gives the dog a grilled steak usin' a recipe from a famous chef.   This is to help get the taste of anise out of the dogs mouth.

This all happens so fast the FFg can't do nothin' about it with here toilet plunger.

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim takes his "Mighty Ten" outta the saddle scabbard and a handful of shells outta the saddlebag. There is a "thunk, thunk" sound as the shells are chambered in the 32" barrels. Slim calmly walks in front of the dugout door and squeezes both triggers. The noise is deafening and the smoke obscures his view of the door.

[Delmonico]

When the smoke clears the door is reativly undamaged, just small seeds stuck in it.      Slim lloks a the wad on the end of the shell and it says "ANISE" and the headstamp says, "Delmonico Catridge CO."  

Slim looks through his pockets and saddle bags and realizes all the shells he has are anise seed ones from the "Too Quiet" thread.

The door opens a bit and a yaller dog sticks it's head out the door and sticks his tongue out at Slim.    

Suddenly licorice jelly beans are landin' at his feet and Delmonico is at the window of the dugout with a Colt Lightning pump gun in 38-40, shootin' jelly beans at his feet.  The food fight has crossed over from the "Too Quiet" thread, just like what happened in "Blazing Saddles."

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim runs back to his horse, grabs his saddlebags, and hides behind his styrofoam boulder. "Thunk, thunk". I aims at the window and pulls both triggers with a deafening BOOM and a cloud of smoke. 

[Delmonico]

Delmonico sees Slim duck behind the styro-foam rock and closes the windo to protect himself from the anise seed Slim is shootin' at him.     

Suddenly the door opens and a 1/2 gallon jar heads Slim's way.  It hits the ground with a thud and breaks, with a muffled boom.     Slim finds himself covered with Kim Chee.

The food fight has turned into Chemical Warefare.

Suddenly slim's eyes start to water and his throat starts to burn, the wind is bringin' the smoke from the chimmineeey of the stove his way.  Slim suddenly realizes Delmonico has add chili peppers to the stove.   

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim drops his "Mighty Ten" and runs for the river. Reaching the banks of the river, he washes his eyes and drinks water to cool the effects of the Chemical Warfare. He walks back to his horse and gets his shovel. He digs up a patch of sod, goes to the hill side of the dugout, and places the sod over the chimney. 

[Delmonico]

As Slim is placin' the sod over the chimney, he realizes he ain't watchin' his backside as he feels the familar bite.   He jumps forward, knockin' the sod loose and gets chili pepper and coal smoke in his eyes again.       As he heads to the crick another kim chee bomb explodes at his feet and covers him with fermented cabbage.     

Suddenly all around him funny brown sorta round objects start landin' and he hears a boom in the background.      Cleanin' his eyes behind the bank of the crick, he looks up and feels a sting on his chest and a grease stain appears on his shirt.   Pickin' up the object that hit him Slim realizes that Delmonico is now shootin' at him with a shotgun loaded with fried chicken gizzards.

[Delmonico]

Slim ducks back down behind the bank of the crick, he is now seperated from his horse, his shotgun, his saddle bags and even his styreeefoam rock.   He checks his 45 Colt and finds out he has only 3 gumdrops left in it.      He peeks up from the bank and the scene sends shivers up his back,    Delmonico now has got a 12 pound Mountyannie howitzer in front of the dugout.    He can only watch in fear as the silk bag of powder goes in, followed by not one but two cylinders, Delmonico is gona fire "Double Canister" at him.   

Slim has watched the movie "Gettysburg" and knows that double caniter is really bad to have shot at you.   He watches in fear as delmonico uses the prick to open the bag and adds the pull primer.       

[Delmonico]

As the minutes seem like hours, Slim wishes the FFg would show up with her toilet plunger and make the howitzer go away.      She could change it inta somethin' else, no that didn't work, she turned Delmonico inta the wrong kind of Newt and now he was on a rampage again.

As the minutes tick on, Slim whishes he hadn't laughed this mornin',  he wishes it hadn't of snowed and iced bad in Lincoln Newbrassky  cause then they wouldn't have closed the store early and Delmonico would be at work.   He would be waitin' on customers and he wouldn't be bored and snowed in with nuthin' to do.   Instead Slim is down in the mud of the crick and Delmonico is on the hill with that awful lookin' gun.

As the minutes tick by he is really begainin' to worry,    what would a crazy cosie that had been changed into a Newt Ginggrich look alike load in a howitzer as a double canister load. It's liable to be somthin' really bad.   Maybe blue berries, Slim's wife would never be able to get the stains out.   Maybe sugar cubes, those would really hurt goin' through, cubes, would the holes be square or round.

[Delmonico]

The minutes tick on,  with the store closed, snow fallin' dishes down and nuthin' good on TV,  Delmonico has nuthin' ta do but make Slim sweat.      Suddenly Slim wants to do sumthin' besides sweat, he feels a rumblin'.   Now he's in big trouble, he don't want to die with poop in his pants, he don't want to die with his pants down.  

Nuthin' to do but run and hope it is either quick or Delmonico misses, but how do you miss with double caniters at 200 yards.   Well it's no or never and as Slim splashes through the crick and up the hill on the other side, Delmonico pulls the lanyard.

BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As Slim is hit and the dirt splatters all around him, Slim realizes that Delmonico has shot him with a double canister load of Brussel Sprouts.

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

Just as things are getting really interesting, Delmonico takes a breath, realising he is inhaling some glittering sawdust. But before he can sneeze it out, there is a small *poof* and Del is turned into:

[Delmonico]

As Slim was thinkin' he was about out of range, Delmonico was reloadin' with solid shot for more range, a muskmelon.  Just as he was about to pull the lanyard, saw dust apears and he is turned inta  a Newt by the FFg.

Slim not realizin' he is safe keeps runnin' and tryin' not to poop his pants, expextin' to be hit by a frozen chicken at any time.

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

The Frumpy Fairy Godmother stares down at the newt named Delmonico.

"Are you going to behave a while, or will I have Duke munch on you, or stick you on a spit and roast you? Rotisserie newt is pretty tasty!"

[Delmonico]

Suddenly the "Newt" gets "better" and pulls the lanyard. Slim is almost hit by a Muskmelon.

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

And Delmonico is chomped in the backside by Duke.