Newbrassky

[Delmonico]

Delmonico is gettin' upset that no one is worried b'bout el-er-funk attacks.  "What are we gonna do if the el-er-funks attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Trinity]

litl' rooster leaves Slim a note...Note sez>>> Slim while you is cuttin' new pistol grips could I talk you in to making me a set?


Then saddles D.O.S. devils own son, and rides off to see if Sod Buster has made a decision, and leave him a good faith payment to get rolling.

<<and all this time the author was wondering why you never rode Uno!  >>

[Trinity]

<Arthur's question:  Is this the FFG? >

<Author's note: Naw, she isn't all that into skillet thwapping. On the other hand, I am! I may have to swipe that one to put into my signature!   A.L. >

<<I've got one that I'd like to add to mine, but sadly, it's not proper...  >>

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

The Frumpy Fairy Godmother steps out on the porch, wiping her hands on her apron. She stops, staring at the tusks.

"Holy tamoley Delmonico, did you shoot an elephant while you were away? You're lucky you didn't get trampled to death!"

[Delmonico]

"I went north up to Long Pine Creek lookin' and I found them, I heard rumors of them things bein' found up there from time to time, that means we could get attacked by el-er-funks.

Delmonico locks his tusks in his office to protect them from Slim and him and Duke take up a watch on the porch for an el-er-funk attack.  

<Authors Note: this makes sense, cause in case of an attack he will pile up Trinity, Stoney Pete and Lucky Irish Tom as a bar-acade. >

[litl rooster]

authors note>>>>>If you look in the korn crib I left a 100 pound bag of peanuts....You know how them ellie fants like peanuts.

[Scattered Thumbs]

Delmonico is gettin' upset that no one is worried b'bout el-er-funk attacks.  "What are we gonna do if the el-er-funks attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

< Arthur's note: I ain't skeered of no oli-phant attack. I got me a can of Oli-phant repelent. Since I never been attacked by one I think this stuff works.    >

[Stoney Pete]

Hearing that his body may be used as a barricade Stoney grabs his SxS then straps on his pistol belt.  While up he get some more coffee and goes back to sitting on the porch wait for el e funk attacks so's he can prevent Del form touching him.

[Lucky Irish Tom]

Del we need ta dig a big deep pit alla way around the property n put stakes in the bottom.  We kin erect a retractable brige what we can pull back when tha el e funks attack!  If we use tha peanuts as bait them el e funks'll fall inta tha pit and we won't have no problem!

[Scattered Thumbs]

<Arthur's note: Considering the ruckus, I'm glad Delmonico didn't find the skull of a very, very big cat with very, very big upper front teeth.  >

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim goes to his room and fills his saddle bags with 10 bore shells loaded with BIG bullets. He goes to the porch with the "Mighty Ten" in one hand and the saddle bags o'er his shoulder. "Anybody comin' with me to git this wild elly-fants 'fore they git us?"

[Lucky Irish Tom]

We can carry extry ammo if we load up my wagon Slim!  Irish gets his .45's his SxS and his Sharps! Lead on Slim, anybody else comin?

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Sounds good ta me, Tom. I'll tie my horse to the back of the wagon." Slim heads to the barn to saddle his horse and hitch up a team.

[Delmonico]

Delmonico says I'll stay here with the Rigby and guard the ranch.  Becareful ya don't end up in a marsh.   Delmonico brings out some jars of pickles and puts them in the wagon.  "You all like pickles don't you?"

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Thanks, Del. I like pickles. We'll stay clear of the marsh."
The woman and children come out of their houses to cheer for the warriors as the go off to battle. 

[Delmonico]

As the "Warriors" leave and dissapear over the horizion.  Delmonico goes to his office and prepares his pair of tusks for shipment to the head of the Pale-lee-on-tol-ah-gee Dept at the Unniiiveersty of Nebrassky in Lincoln.

Cause there ain't been no elle-funks runnin' wild in Newbrasky for 10,000 years.

<Authors note:  Delmonico put ice tea in their whiskey jugs and to boot, slipped Trinity in under the cover. >

[Russ T Chambers]

Russ T. comes ridin' through on his way East, and drops off a set of instructions on how to build an elle-funk trap:

Dig a large deep pit.
Fill pit with ashes.
Sprinkle peas around the edge of the pit.

When the elle-funk comes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole!!!! 

[Delmonico]

<Authors Note with appolgy to folks who are tired of seeing this in cook books.:

Elafunk Stew

Take 1 elleeephunk and cut into bite size pieces, also cut up 2 tons of veggie-balls, put in a large pot and boil for 4 days, serves 10,000.

One can add a couple of rabbits if desired, but some folks don't like hare in their stew. >

[Delmonico]

With the "rabble" gone and most likely lost by now in the lakes and marshes up northeast of the ranch, (they didn't download any maps) Delmonico gets the bag of peanuts at takes them to the pantry.  He fills two bowls and places on on the FFg's rocker.  Duke lies down in front of the porch and Delmonico shells and eats peanuts as he tries to bury the yaller dog in peanut shells.

[Lucky Irish Tom]

The wagon rolled on, Slim had spotted some large round depressions in tha ground that he thunk were el e funk tracks, based on a drawing from Del.  Trinity woke up partway through the morning.  Slim spyed some el e funk spoor which Trinity walked up to picked up, sniffed and then took a bite claiming it tasted like buffler chips.  Irish and Slim just sorta rolled their eyes.  Towards evening a rider approached and delivered a package to Irish, the wrapper said Acme on it.  Inside was a map of the surrounding territory and a book, "How to track and hunt El E Funks" by Flathead Smith.  As the sun set they made camp, Irish started the fire and put on a pot of beans, after they ate Slim set the watch for the night.