South from Dodge

[Delmonico]

Drinking his essppprresssoo, Delmonico thinks to him self, "Bet Gopher Grease is goin' on bout that War of Dumb Polytitions again and it bet Trinity has snuck whiskey inta camp and is drunk and plannin' a surprise fer me."

Stopping at the drugstore Delmonico gets some castor oil and a box of seegars.  Saddleing his mule he rides south.  Bout 5 miles north of camp he gets an Idea when he meets a band of freindly Tonkawa's cause he knows Trinity can't tell one from the other.

When he gets back ta camp, Trinity is passed out.  Delmonico takes him over the hill and ties him spreadeagle on the ground to 4 stakes.  He gives the Tonkawa's $50 gold and a jug of mollasses and instuctions ta pour it on Trinity as he wakes up.  Everyone knows he'll think the Comanche's have him tied over a anthill.

Gettin' his bedroll out of the wagon he lays it out on the grond, while thinkin' "I'll find out what he did tommorow, but I bet it has to do with my tent, daylight will revile more."

"Go ta bed Gopher Grease, the war is over neither side won."

[Silver Creek Slim]

"It's daylight in the swamp!" yells Slim. (Slim's pa used to yell that to roust him and his bro from slumber). 

[Delmonico]

It's after 9 ya overslept again, eat yer breakfast fast and don't ask what it is.   Is 9:00 am when the sun comes up in the swamps of wisssyconsion.     

If ya hear some screaming soon it's just Trinity, don't worry the Indians tooorrcchhhering him are friendly.

[Silver Creek Slim]

It's after 9 ya overslept again, eat yer breakfast fast and don't ask what it is.   Is 9:00 am when the sun comes up in the swamps of wisssyconsion.   

(Nope, I was fixing cash registers and adding machines at 7:30 this morn.)

"Okay. I won't ask what it is. It is probably buff tongue." 

[Delmonico]

Nope, won't tell till ya try it.  It is pie, meat pie and it's an English type pie.  And ya bloody better eat some ol' chap.   If ya do I'll tell ya how ta fix it. 

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Must be Shepherd's Pie." 

[Delmonico]

Nope it's steak and kidney pie!

Ya start by boiling the pi$$ out of the kidneys.  (A play on words but the kidneys are boiled till well done.)  The cooed steak and the cooked kidneys are cut up and put in the gravy,  This is put in a pie shell and baked.   

[Silver Creek Slim]

(I first heard of kidney pie from "3, 2, 1 - Penguins".)

"If there is nothin' else ta eat, give me a plateful and alot of coffee to wash it down." 

[Delmonico]

Here ya go, durn german's from Wissyconsion, probbally want sauerbraten next.   

When ya get done with the pie and coffee go see if Trinity is still alive, ain't heard him screamin' yet.  Most likely still asleep.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"I'z English, German, Scotch, Irish, Welsh, Danish, and Jewish."  "Thanks for the grub, Delmonico." Slim wolfs down the grub and coffee. Saddles his horse and goes in search of Trinity and the "savages".

[Delmonico]

So do ya want sauerbraten?  Spose ya want bagels ta go with it, I can do the bagels but ya got ta get the cream cheese and Lox.  Bet they ain't got no Lox in Dodge, ya gonna have ta go clear up ta the Columbia rive and buy some somked salmon from the Salish.

In fact if Trinty is still alive send him, but I don't make no foo foo bagels.  (read foo foo as yuppie)

[Silver Creek Slim]

"I don't need no stink'n bagels, but sauerbraten would be good." Slim rides off. He finds Trinity and the "savages" not too far from camp. Trinity is still snoring. The "savages" are sitting around a fire smoking peace pipes and practicing their smoke signals.

[Delmonico]

Delmonico rides out ta the smoke signal, "Slim here's yer chance ta do somethin really mean ta Trinity before ya got ta go home and he gets home and gets on line."

"I don't think we're gonna get no buffalo shot again today it's after 3 pm.  When ya get out tommorow bring me back a piece of roast bout 5 pounds or so.  I'll get some stuff ta start it marinating." 

NOTE TA GOPHER GREASE:  Stop on yer way home from work and get the stuff fer marinate for sauerbraten.  Don't worry bout the gingersnaps, I'll bake some.  If you don't have ginger pick up some.  Ya know what ta do with the leftover gravy!

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Delmonico, where is the 'lasses? Are there any feathers we can use after we pour on the 'lasses?" (Saw this in "McLintock". It was a hoot to see 'lasses and feathers on Maureen O'Hara.)

[Delmonico]

OK, ya can have the piller outa my soogun.  I'll run fetch it.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Yipee!" Slim does a happy dance while the "savages" look at him strangely.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"I hope he cames back with that pillow before I have ta go home."

[Delmonico]

Delmonico rides up with his piller, "Sorry I took so long, had to answer an E-Mule, am drivin' some feller in Wisyconsion crazy trying ta figure out why I have two daughers, not twins, the same age named Andrea.  Woops gotta go got mail."

Have fun with the feathers and moolllasses.  Ya got's a half hour.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Thanks, Delmonico."

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim pours the 'lasses on, the still snoring, Trinity. He takes out his bowie, slits the pillow open, and shakes out the feathers on the 'lasses which is all over Trinity. Slim can barely hold in the laughter. The "savages" look on with strange expressions. Slim jumps on his horse and goes back to camp. "Well, Delmonico, the deed is done."