South from Dodge

[Delmonico]

After ridin his mule and leadin' his pack mule inta Dodge City, Delmonico buys a freight wagon and 2 more mules,  Goin' ta Rath's store he buys powder, lead, primers and a case of 50-90 ammo.  Two wall tents are added to the gear, along with a 73 Winchester and 1000 rounds.  A frying pan and a dutch oven make up the cook gear, not much time for fancy cookin' down on the South Canadian. 

For food supplies a barrel of flour, some salertus, salt, pepper and a bucket of lard are all he buys for grub.  When leaving the roundup camp he also brough a jar of his famous sourdough stater, an empty firkin would be filled when camp was set up.  Just before leaving the store he buys two lanterns and a 5 gallon bucket of coal oil and an extra change of clothes.

Just before heading out of town and stops at the whorehouse and tells them, "If Sergeant Smokepole stops here tell him that I have headed to the South Canadian river, I am going to camp 10 miles down river from Adobe Walls.  Tell him and any others that come with him ta bring their buffalo guns, lots of ammo and loading supplies.  Also bring a repeating rifle and 1000 rounds of ammo, their might be trouble, the Comanchies don't want us shootin' their buffalo."

(As he rides off to the south Delmonico snickers to himself, "Them guys al' show up and kill buffalo fer a couple of days, they'l lays in the hot sun and when Slim shows up we'll make him skin them all.  That'l teach him ta' take the weekend off.")

[Delmonico]

Five miles south of Dodge City, Delmonico turns around and heads back.  Stopping at the store he buys coffee (forgot it) and gives the  key to Trinity's leg irons to a guy on a fast horse. 

He gives they fellow the two $20 gold pieces that Sarge's Irish Whore gave Delmonico for the good time.  As the fast horse fellow saddles, Delmonico hand him a quart of good whiskey and says, "Give this ta Trinity as a present and tell him I don't whine as bad as he does."

And then Delmonico turns his wagon around and heads south.

[Delmonico]

Reaching the South Canadian Delmonico finds a nice place ta camp in a grove of trees in a bend on the river.  Along the way he had shot a young buffalo heifer, stoppeng he cut out the hump roast and wrapped it in some butcher paper and places it in the wagon after tiying it with string.

Upon reaching camp he started a fire and got the hump roast cooking in his dutch oven and started setting up the camp. 

When camp was set up he went out on a mule scouting around and found a nice herd about 5 miles out.  Satisfied he went back to camp where the roast was done.  He ate his fill, setting the oven to the side, knowing that the meat would keep well in the cool evening.

He watched the stars come out one by one and then rolled out his bedroll in one of the tents he laid the Winchester out near his bed.  Tommorow though it would be the Sharps that would earn it's keep.

[Trinity]

Just then Trinity rides up on a very fast horse.  "Howdy Strother, uh, ah mean  Delmonico.  Ah hate to have done it, but ah hit that feller you sent to unlock me over the head with that bottle.  When he regained consciousness he tole me where you were haidin an' I took his horse an started in this direction. 

The fact of the matter is, while you do complain rather much, Ah like your food.  ...Uh, speakin of which, do ya got anything on the far?  I aint had anything to eat in several days.  Ah got some fresh veal which ah was hopin ya could cook up fer me.  Ah also aint had no alcohol 'cept for that plug afore I hit that nice feller ya sent to unlock me.  Do ya got any bottles?"

Ah met this columbian feller a-ridin' an ass on the trail an he sole me some coffee beans.  I got a roaster in my sack an plan to make mah special roast fer tamorrow mornin'. 

I wonder how the Sarge is makin out with his missing toes?  That shore was a hoot the way he tricked ya into eatin' them.   HAW HAW HAW .  We aint heard nothin from him since, you aint kilt him didja, Delmonico?"

[Delmonico]

Naw I ain't kilt him, he's just mad cause his Irish whore gave me the $40 dollars he gave her.  He's fine, I seen he was over on the Frontier Spot earlier, bet he shows up here.  Ya should have read the note I left on the chuckwagon and checked at Rath's store, tolt them where I was gonna be. 

Between what I got fer coffee when I took the key back and what you got we won't have ta sleep fer days.  Hump roast in the oven over there, ya can warm it or it be good cold.  Plannin' on livin' on buffalo meat and sourdough biscuits for a while.  Gopher Grease al' probally show up and we'll sent him for some supplies and have him make that lemon torte he posted on the Historical Society board. 

Tammarow ya can watch camp and the next day I will,  we'll go out and shoot a bunch a buffalo with my Sharp's and make Slim skin them when he gets here.  That'l be his punishment for goin' home fer the weekend and seeing his wife and his 15 or 16 kids. 

(Whisper On:  We'll tell him he can brand them with that rusty brandin' irun of his if he skins them, that way he will think he's got the good job, he's always wantin' ta brand somethin'.  Whisper off.)

[Trinity]

Trinity rises early.  MUCH earlier than he is accustomed to.  It must be the scent from the coffee roaster.  Or mebbe the fact that he had no booze the night before.  He thinks to himself "This is sickening.  No self respectin cowpoke should be awake at this time!"  He checks his roaster and determines that it needs mebbe another hour.

"Delmonico, when Gopher Grease shows up, Ah'd rather have a cherry torte than lemmon.  Ah never liked lemon in anything cept mah tea.  Ah always like the cherry...  no pun intended ... well ... no, this is a fambly board, no pun intended.

Yeah, Ah ain got no problem with buff meat, but it dries out quickly on the far, be careful.  They aint never anything wrong with sour-do buscuits, but Ah like butter an honey with 'em."

Trinity pulls his '73 out of his saddle scabbard cycles it once to make sure and says: "Ahm officially on guard!" and lays back down and instantly falls asleep, cradling his carbine as if it were a Teddy Bear.

[Delmonico]

Delmonico wonders why Trinity got up so early, cause the nice thing about buffalo huntin' is that ya don't start till they settle down for the day bout 10 am.  Bout 8 am Delmonico gets up and makes a pot of fresh coffee and a oven full ogf biscuits.  After havin' this for breakfast he starts the other roast and gathers his gear. 

Bout time ta go, a little after 9:30, wonder when someone else will show up?

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim rides into camp with two pack mules in tow. He brings a Sharps, a Win 73, alot of ammo, skinning knives, salt, and of course his branding iron. "Howdy boys. Ya ready to kill some buffs? After some breakfast, of course."

[Delmonico]

Breakfast is done we ate it all up bout a hour and a half ago, you'll have ta wait till supper now, or heat ya up a can of beans, be careful though ya know what happened the last time ya tried ta do that.  Punch a hole in the lid of the can, remember how it xploded the last time, that cowboy that was workin' for us will have ta sell pencils the rest of his life on a street corner.  Wonder if someone could train a dog ta lead him around.   

I'm glad you showed up we'll have Trinity run ta Dodge and see if he can hire a couple three guys ta skin fer us, there are lots of buffalo here.   You can go shoot a few taday, but no more than ya can skin till Trinity gets back with some more men.  I got ta run back to Hangin' Women Creek ta that other thread where we were last week.  I fergot my good English Sheffield, French Chefs knife.

I think that knife is why Sarge thinks I'm a Frenchy, but if I was I wouldn't by an English made knife.  Oh well, I've got an idea for supper one of these nights and I need that knife.  Oh, Trinity, grap some butter while yer in Dodge and some honey if they got any.  If not ya can raid a bee tree, but do it far away from me or ya both gonna have ta cook fer yourselve's cause i'm lergic ta them.

See ya when I get back.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Okay, Delmonico." Slim gets a can of VanCamps Pork & Beans (he prefers Bush beans but they don't exist yet) and stabs the top with his Bowie. He stirs the fire, adds a couple of sticks to it, and puts the can of beans in the fire. Adds some water to the coffee (yes, he got it upstream from the hosses).

[Delmonico]

A few minutes after he left Delmonico returns on his mule, "I fergot ta tell ya Slim get any water ya need out a tha spring on the side of that thar' hill.  There is a great big herd of buffalo just upstream." 

Delmonico then turns his mule NNE and heads for the camp in the other thread ta get his good knife.

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim pours out the coffee. Since he doesn't know how to make coffee, he gets a cup of water from the spring instead. He goes back to the fire and sees the beans bubbling out the top of the can. He quickly grabs the can so the beans don't burn, but forgets that the can might be hot on the outside.  He drops the can outside of the fire and runs to the spring to cool the burning of his hands. (He knows that putting oil on a burn doesn't help.) By the time his hands are cooled, so are the beans. 

[Delmonico]

Resting on the south bank of the South Platte, Delmonico wonders if Slim and Trinity remembered hat there was another hump roast cookinf in the dutch oven.     "Durn fools probbally forgot about the roast and been eatin' canned beans again."

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Trinity, do ya smells sumtin good?" "Trinity, where is ya?" Slim follows the good scent back to the fire. Low and behold, in the fire is a gold dutch oven. (At least it seemed like it was gold cuz Slim hadn't et all day.) This time Slim has lernt that fire makes things hot. So, he using has branding iron to lift the oven out of the fire and set it on the ground. He lifts the cover with the iron. Roast! Slim does a happy "dance". (Yes, white Yankees can almost dance.)

[gophergrease]

Gopher Grease comes riding into camp, With an old pack mule with one ear missing. He brings with him the Remington Zouvue, a Henery rifle, piar of 58 remington pistols and a 10lb keg of powder. As he slides out of the sadal, he drops 2 fat cans of CHERRYS and utters something like "Wish I had some good coco." Checks the ovens cus theres all ways something in one.

[Delmonico]

Delmonico rides into camp, sees the one eared mule and says. "Didn't know ya still had that mule.  Don't tell Trinity bout the time we run out a' grub and had ta' eat the mule's ear.  He's squeeeemmissh bout eatin' ears and tongues and such." 

[gophergrease]

Don't tell the mule, he aint subered up in the last 5 years. So, he dont know it missn.

[gophergrease]

Hey Delmonico ifn ya see Trinity fer I do, tell him to dump  some of that bottle in the feed bag fer the mule.

[Trinity]

Trinity rises and emits a huge yawn that would frighten a bear.  "Dad-blame it!  Ya git up too early and bed down for a short nap but then don' wake up till the end of the day!!!"  Grumpy, groggy and hungry, Trinity sees Slim standing over a dutch oven.  Slim fills Trinity in on the events of the day and warns him that if he doesn't get to Dodge and round up some pards to help with the work, Delmonico will be mighty upset.

As Trinity saddles up, Gophergrease comes up and tells Trinity that he has the Cherries but no Cocoa.  "No problem, pard.  Ah should be able to fahnd some goooood cocoa in Dodge.  Ah'll bring some back.  Wazzat, Slim?  Delmonico wanted some Honey bees?  No problem."

Slim chuckles to himself as Trinity trots off.  "Boy is Delmonico gonna be bad at him, hee hee"

...

Delmonico rides into Dodge and stops first at the market and retrieves cocoa for Gophergrease and then beelines for the nearest saloon.  Boy, has it been a long time!!!

...

Several hours later, Trinity rides into camp on a buckboard with two folks behind him.  He hands Gophergrease his cocoa and rides the buckboard over to Delmonicos tent where he leaves it to return to the fire.  There are two large boxes on the back of the buckboard from which a buzzing sound can be heard.

"What's in the boxes?" asked Slim.  Ah ran into a crazy lady named Martha that kept on talking about her honey bees, so I bought them boxes from her.  At first, Ah thought she was referrin' to somptin else but realized that she really did have bees and the honey pot she was offerin was indeed a pot of honey.  Anyway, Ah thought Delmonico oughta like that since this lady is a cook or sumptin like that.  Heck, he might even know her.  Where is that ole pole cat anyway?"  

While they were talking some of the bees were finding their way into Delmonico's tent.

"Ah found these here pards in the saloon.  Fellers, meet Cable Hogue and his friend the Rev. Joshua Douglas Sloan.  They promised that they are hard workers and never let anything divert their attention... Oh by the way, Ah brought some cases of likker fer us and that mule of yourn, Gophergrease.  Ah think it is best, though, that we keep it under wraps lest Delmonico puts more of that Ipeekack throw-up juice in it again!"

Trinity drags a case over to the fire and the guys all tear into the bottles.  Soon they are all singing (not very well) and leaning on each other... 

Trinity strugles to speak: "Shay, Gofergreezy, wha happen to yer moooles ar?"

[gophergrease]

Well I tell ya, Trinity. Back in the war of northen aggestion, this yank came alone and was thingkn of killin me. Now Ill tell ya that old mule sneeked up behind that darn heathen and bited his ear off. Well that fella got so mad he don forgot bout me and chewed that mules ear off. now that got the mule mader than all heck, he tunred and kick him so hard that yanks head came off and landed 50 ft away. Well he was nice nuff to give me his Henery rifle, so I had to do the right thing and toss his head back with the rest of him.