Very Important Day In History

[Lucky Irish Tom]

Yep. Staunton side ah Lexington. Texans, Virginians. We're kin 'n I'm proud of it. Fought 'n died side by side. Sumbody comes after 'Sleep er yerownfineself got me 'n Tom ta fight too. Ain't that right, Tom?

Yup!  You got mine back, I got yours, n we both got tha other fellers! Proud ta stand with em!

[Silver Creek Slim]

Last time I shaved was the day after my wedding. Over 16 years ago. I don't plan on shaving again.

Slim

[Texas Lawdog]

When I had a mustashe, I always had problems getting tomato juice in it. If I let my beard grow now, most of it would be gray with some red . I'm almost bald now, so I don't have to worry about haircuts very much.

[Russ T Chambers]

I started out with just a moustache when married to my first wife, shaved it off one night and it took her two days to notice,    (Guess that's one reason she's my ex-wife.)  Grew it back, then while on vacation grew the beard.  My current wife has know me for about 30 years and couldn't remember me without the bread, so about 3 years ago I shaved it off, just for the oddity of it.  Well I sure looked odd,  so I started  growing it back as soon as I put the razor down.  It an't coming off again!!!!! 

[litl rooster]

Yup..seen the marker.

[Arcey]

ROOSTER SWIPED IT!!!!!!!

[litl rooster]

   shhhh! It's placed high in the Hall fame here in Litl Roosterville.

[Texas Lawdog]

Sounds like a good place for it.

[Scattered Thumbs]

I'd fight fer any a ya, Calyfornian er not.
     Why in tarnation would beards be taxed?  I thought we had the market on taxes cornered


Leo

Don't ever think that. Just remember the USA came into being over a taxation war.
Europe was (is) way ahead as taxes are concerned.

[Texas Lawdog]

Some folks named the "Sons of Liberty" dressed up like Native Americans and dumped some British Tea in Boston Harbor.

[Delmonico]

Well they is gettin' uppity over there again, take the high ground boys and shoot for the red.

Britain is  Repossessing the U.S.A.

A Message from John Cleese

To the citizens of the  United States of America:

In light  of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and  thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your  independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen  Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths,  and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new  prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the  need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be  disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine  whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown  Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate  effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English  Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation  guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing  it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and  'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping  half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix  -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to  acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same  twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you  know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There  is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The  Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated  letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original  national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be  celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues  without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many  lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be  independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult  enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist  then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will  no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable  peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in  public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this  is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what  we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and  you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,  you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion  tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the  British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on  petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used  to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call  French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato  chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal  fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold  tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.  Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and  European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. 
South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the  greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are  also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

12. Hollywood will be required  occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be  required to cast English actors to play English characters.

Watching  Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an  experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13.  You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper  football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be  allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but  does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full  kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South  Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14.  Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event  called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.  Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,  your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face  the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15.  You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An  internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will  be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to  1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups,  never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in  season.

God save  the Queen.

Only He can.

John Cleese

[Texas Lawdog]

Well, Alrighty Then!

[Leo Tanner]

I always liked John Cleese.  It'll be a shame ta have ta pop him off.
Some countries never learn...


Leo

[Delmonico]

I always liked John Cleese.  It'll be a shame ta have ta pop him off.
Some countries never learn...


Leo

Naw, Cleese ain't dumb enough to take us on face to face. 

Delmonico decides allies are a good thing and fires off letters to the leaders of Canada, Ireland, Scotland, South Africa, India, Austrailia, New Zealand, Packaistan, Afganistan, Hong Kong, (help me here, this is a long list) and other folks who used to be part of the empire.

[Texas Lawdog]

John just needs to mind his own bidness, and leave us alone.

[litl rooster]

   ditto



never thought he was funny either

[Texas Lawdog]

 Ol' John Cleese needs to listen to Charlie Daniels song "In America".  The Cowboys, The Hippies, the Rebels, and the Yanks will kick his Tall, Skinny, english BUTT.   Besides the folks from Ireland and Scotland don't much for england either.

[Leo Tanner]

I got a big chunk of family in County Cork.  Mebbe I'll give em a call.
     
      Maybe them Brits is thinkin third times a charm


Leo

[Delmonico]

Even the weather don't like them, a tornader kept them from finishin' burnin' washington DC.

[Sod Buster]

   shhhh! It's placed high in the Hall fame here in Litl Roosterville.

Where's that?  At the Litl Roosterville HOOTERS?