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[Derby Younger]

Twenty Four?

[Big John Denny]

Twelve divided by two is six. Yeah, we could start a new mathmatical system.

[Derby Younger]

I was chased by 30 dogs, 7 of which were white, 8 gray and the rest black. Which of my legs was bitten, the right or the left?

[Birdgun Quail]

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Y'all dress funny.
And are high smellin' too.

[Big John Denny]

Good ol' Birdgun. He's not a poet and doesn't know it.

[The Arapaho Kid]

Well ya see, Narm...they did an intelligence study between Chimpanzees and postal workers.  They found the Chimpanzees were thrity three percent smarter, but not as good at public relations!

[Birdgun Quail]

Hey Diddle Diddle.
The cat ate the fiddle.
Big John is such a bafoon.
He don't know good poets at all.

[Birdgun Quail]

Not only am I a great poet, but do poetry analysis.  Let us analyze this well know poem.

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them;
Leave them alone,
and they'll come home,
Wagging their tails behind them.

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
(Obviously due to carelessness and a lack of vigilance on her part.)
And can't tell where to find them;
(Well naturally!  If she could tell where to find them they wouldn't be lost!)
Leave them alone,
("Leave them alone!!!"  Duh!  If she's lost them and can't find them, she dern sure ain't going to be bothering them.  She can't do nothing but leave them alone.)
and they'll come home,
(Not if some sheep hating cowboys find them first!)
Wagging their tails behind them.
(No kidding!  How else do sheep wag their tails?  If the dumb critters do come home, maybe they'll all come home in reverse, wagging their tails in front of them.)

I ask you, is this the kind of nonsense we should be putting into our children's fragile little brains?

[Derby Younger]

Not only am I a great poet, but do poetry analysis.  Let us analyze this well know poem.

I ask you, is this the kind of nonsense we should be putting into our children's fragile little brains?

Absolutely not! And what about dancing sugar plums? What's up with that? I, for one, am appalled!!!!!!!

[Russ T Chambers]

Then there is the ever popular:

Good night!
Sleep tight!
Don't let the bed bugs bite!

Who in their right mind would put their kid in a bed with bed bugs!!? 

[Birdgun Quail]

ROCK-A-BYE BABY

Hush-a-bye, baby, on the tree top!
When the wind blows the cradle will rock;
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall;
Down will come baby, bough, cradle and all.

Talk about child abuse!  Who goes around hanging babies in the tops of trees where the wind can cause dangerous falls!

[Forty Rod]

The same dork who hangs cradle in a tree top.

[Derby Younger]

The inhumaity of it all. Rose Bud.

[Birdgun Quail]

Glug Glug Glug

"Eleanor, where are you going?"
"Upstairs to take a bath."
Eleanor, with legs like toothpicks;
and a neck like a giraffe.

Eleanor got in the bathtub;
Eleanor pulled out the plug.
Oh my goodness!
O my soul!
There goes Eleanor down the hole!
Glug! Glug! Glug!

Classic example of child neglect!  Poor little Eleanor.   She drowned in the septic tank because her lazy momma and daddy wouldn't feed her or fix the drain.

[The Arapaho Kid]

Hey diddle, diddle...
The cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon!
The little boy laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon!

Breakdown:

Hey diddle, diddle...
(This line makes no sense at all!)
The cat and the fiddle...
(Logical point: Cats cannot play the fiddle)
The cow jumped over the moon!
(Cows cannot jump over anything!)
The little boy laughed to see such sport...
(There is no sport in this at all!)
And the dish ran away with the spoon...
(This is not a logical match.  Dishes should pair up with other dishes.  Not with silverware!))

[Derby Younger]

And now, one for Big John.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.

[Birdgun Quail]

Twenty-four Robbers

Not last night but the night before,
Twenty-four robbers came knocking at my door.
As I ran out, they ran in.
I hit them on the head with a rolling pin.  

Well, at least we know who around here was swinging the rolling pin.

[The Arapaho Kid]

Twenty-four Robbers

Not last night but the night before,
Twenty-four robbers came knocking at my door.
As I ran out, they ran in.
I hit them on the head with a rolling pin.  

Well, at least we know who around here was swinging the rolling pin.

BGQ:  Have you attended the "Rolling Pin School of Defense" put on by the Marshal'ette?

[The Arapaho Kid]

Mary had a little Lamb...
And the doctor fainted!
But that didn't cause as much alarm...
As when Old McDonald had a farm!

[Birdgun Quail]

Twenty-four Robbers

Not last night but the night before,
Twenty-four robbers came knocking at my door.
As I ran out, they ran in.
I hit them on the head with a rolling pin.  

Well, at least we know who around here was swinging the rolling pin.

BGQ:  Have you attended the "Rolling Pin School of Defense" put on by the Marshal'ette?

Nope.  Kid, when it comes to the Marshal'ette and her rolling pin, I give her a wide circle.  (I ain't as dumb as Derby Younger or Forty Rod looks ya know.)