Stolen Joke

[Sir Charles deMouton-Black]

Why is a moon rock tastier than an earth rock?


Because its a little meteor.

[The Trinity Kid]

 

That little quote on your name-thing, the one by Mark Twain,    I always heard it "History never repeats itself. However, the present is very good at emulating it."   

Interesting how things change from person to person.....


Today I asked the guy next to me in chemistry if he had any Sodium Bromide.  He told me "NaBro."   

--TK

[Steel Horse Bailey]

That little quote on your name-thing, the one by Mark Twain,    I always heard it "History never repeats itself. However, the present is very good at emulating it."   

Interesting how things change from person to person.....


Today I asked the guy next to me in chemistry if he had any Sodium Bromide.  He told me "NaBro."   

--TK

[Steel Horse Bailey]

Chem majors are howling at that one, T.Kid!

[The Trinity Kid]

I figgured they would.  I'm taking Chemistry for school right now, so....I've got a few jokes on it.  

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were dancin' at the picnic.  It was like, OMG.....   Sorry, girl next to me told that one......

--TK

[Steel Horse Bailey]

 

[Arcey]

Wimmen are gettin' more 'n more difficult ta figger.

Finished up some bidness it the broker's office t'other day. Was headin' to the lobby when the elevator stopped. An attractive woman stepped on 'n faced me.

She sez, "Press one, please."

I did what she asked 'n she slapped the snot outta me.

[litl rooster]

Wimmen are gettin' more 'n more difficult ta figger.

Finished up some bidness it the broker's office t'other day. Was headin' to the lobby when the elevator stopped. An attractive woman stepped on 'n faced me.

She sez, "Press one, please."

I did what she asked 'n she slapped the snot outta me.

glad she didn't say 2

[litl rooster]

I just stole this from East Texas, it was too good to leave behind



No matter what side of the AISLE you're on, THIS is FUNNY.
Judy Walkman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work
on her own family tree. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged
for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory:

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent
to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton
detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'

So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.

Harry Reid:
<ATT00001>
Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch
for her genealogy research:

"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition
of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted
several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In
1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889,
Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he
was standing collapsed."




Now THAT's how its done, Folks!

[The Trinity Kid]

long, low whistle.

--TK

[Mean Bob Mean]

OK

Why must you always take two Baptist preachers with you when you go fishing?








If you take only one, he drinks all your whiskey. 

[Major 2]

SPAM !

The sound a sky diving pig makes when his parachute does not open !

[litl rooster]

 

[The Trinity Kid]

What do you get when you cross Lassie and a cantaloupe?


A melon-collie baby!

--TK

[Mean Bob Mean]

A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening. The wife wasn't having a good time at the party. So, she came home early, alone. Her husband stayed on, socializing with important clients. As the woman walked into her house, she found Jervis by himself in the dining room. She called him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom.

She turned to him and said, in the voice she knew he must obey, "Jervis, I want you to take off my dress." This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair. "Jervis," she continued, "now take off my stockings and garter belt." Again, Jervis silently obeyed. "Now, Jervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties." Eyes downcast, Jervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them. She looked sternly at him and said, "Jervis, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

[litl rooster]

What are the differences between the First Dog Bo and that jackass of a president B.O.?











Bo is documented


Remember I just steal 'm from others and post them here

[The Trinity Kid]

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, "B.O. for pres. 2012!"  I knew something smelled funny about that feller......

--TK

[litl rooster]

 A recent survey said 1 in every 3 adults will have an affair.

I have been trying to figure out all day if it is my wife or girlfriend that is having the affair.

[litl rooster]

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so P...eter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

[Sir Charles deMouton-Black]

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are out for a stroll in town one day.

As they are walking along they come across a sign that says: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I'm entering" says Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how did you do?"

"First Place!" says Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign that says: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman.

After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"

"First Place!" answers Superman.  "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign that says: "Contest!  Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio smiles and says "This is mine!"

Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.

"What happened?" they ask.

"Who in the hell is (your favorite little-known politician)?" asks Pinocchio.

NOTE: In the army we used to say "No names;- No pack-drill"  You Canucks will know who I infer.