Butchered Sayings

[Forty Rod]

............................... Fart!!!  .............................

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

As I told a co-worker today:

Yep, it's a phase. They go through it when they are 3, when they are 8, when they are 15, and some boys NEVER outgrow it!!

:: Smacks Forty some more::



AnnieLee

[Delmonico]

What ya need to do is go to the hospital and get one a dem operations.  When they are done, not only do they not mind if ya pass gas, they encourage it, they even to get excited about it and praise you.

[Russ T Chambers]

Has he found out about sticking his hand in his armpit and working the armpit arm as a fart bellows, yet? 

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

Alas, yes he has.

AnnieLee

[Capt. Hamp Cox]

The Vapors
by Rosemarie Chostler

  Why is Fart
  a word we can't say?
  Despite the fact we Fart
  countless times each day.
  "Expel gas"; "have flatus"
  The terms O.K. to use
  But to avoid the word Fart
  doesn't serve to diffuse
  The smell and the noise
  when one slips out
  Whether silent but deadly
  or odorless and loud.
  Is it all in the word
  or is it always pestiferous?
  Is flatus benign
  while a Fart is odoriferous?
  A Fart is indeed gas
  better out than in
  Noxious and noisy
  but certainly no sin.
  It's socially frowned upon
  to rectally groan
  So it's best to enjoy Farting
  while sitting alone.
  But if one sneaks out
  during a meeting or parting
  Simply play dumb and say,
  "Who the heck's Farting?"
  If there are two
  so it's obviously you
  Say, "Don't be embarassed,
  I do that too."
  To talk about Farting
  or flatus or gas
  The words are synonymous
  as long as not passed.
  If you Fart quite a lot
  you need not despair
  It means you're quite wealthy:
  a self-made million-air!

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

<Hides that one from her son >

Heh. "rectally groan." That's good.



AnnieLee

[Forty Rod]

Okay, I suggest a standing ovation for Hamp.

PFFFFFTTT!!

[Silver Creek Slim]

<shakes head> 

Slim

[Delmonico]

Our local gas company used to be called "Peoples Natural Gas" I was in their office payin' my bill one time, the lady behind the counter told me how much I owed. I asked here if I couln just make the check out to farts.   Dang I hate folks who sit behind desks with no sense of humor.

I have decided that if you did the campfire scene from "Blazing Saddles" with the kids from the cowboys, you'd have on of the most historically correct scenes in all cowboy moviedom.  Think about it, a buch of young fellas away from mom, teachers and big sister for the first time in their life, hangin' round other young fellas, eatin' a less than perfect diet.  Kind of makes you wonder if the ever seen who could make the bigest flame.

Oh by the way, farts are nothin' but methane gas with sulfur compounds that make the smell.

Natural gas burned in stoves and furnaces that is piped to urban homes and bussinesses is nothin' but methane gas with a sulfur compound added to it to make it smell.

Myself if gas is needed or wanted I recomend good chili served over eggs, with refries on the side.
(Never put the beans in the chili)

[Four-Eyed Buck]

Don't light any matches! Throw open somw winders and air it out in here!
Del, I actually saw a guy light one at work once. Singed his jeans, it flared pretty big..............Buck

[Delmonico]

I've heard stories about drunk guys endin' up in the ER with 2nd degree burns.     Perhaps to save us from ourselves a warning should be tattoed on one of our but cheeks at birth.

"Waring, the use of open flames to light the flatulance emitting from the rectal opening could cause injury or serious death."

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

Another phrase of my son's: "butt burp."

AnnieLee, who almost regrets bringing up this topic, but it gives the gents the opportunity to behave like 15 year olds....

[Silver Creek Slim]

Another phrase of my son's: "butt burp."

AnnieLee, who almost regrets bringing up this topic, but it gives the gents the opportunity to behave like 15 year olds....

That's fer sure. 

Slim

[Capt. Hamp Cox]

Another phrase of my son's: "butt burp."

AnnieLee, who almost regrets bringing up this topic, but it gives the gents the opportunity to behave like 15 year olds....

"butt burp" reminds me of another Butchered Sayin', "butt naked".  Always thought the correct version (if there is such a thing) is "buck naked".  Mebbe we need to get Buck in on this one.

[Four-Eyed Buck]

You DON'T wanna see THIS BUCK NEKID! 

[Four-Eyed Buck]

Anybody heard the term Barkin' Spider's??........Buck

[Silver Creek Slim]

Anybody heard the term Barkin' Spider's??........Buck

ME! Don't know what it is though.

Slim

[Capt. Hamp Cox]

Anybody heard the term Barkin' Spider's??........Buck

Nope, but have heard about "barkin' squirrels".

[Four-Eyed Buck]

Barkin' Spider= Phart