Lines You'll Never Hear in a Western Movie

[Frenchie]

"I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist... and put it in a dirty mug."

"Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

"Can we postpone this duel 'til 12:05? I gotta use the little boy's room."

"Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

"Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"

"Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

"You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and fondue."

"That's him! That's the yeller-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"

"He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."

"Hey, Dusty, do these chaps make my butt look big?"

"It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl... men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."

"Hang 'im high, boys! Okay, now a little to the left. Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"

[Ottawa Creek Bill]

Frenchie.......

The line below could have been used in Broke Back Mountain.....whose original title was......Bend Over Backwards Mountain. But the powers that be,  thought the title was too long....
OCB

[

quote from Frenchie]"Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"

[/quote]

[Irish Dave]

.....Or the sequel, "Reach Around Ridge."

[Steel Horse Bailey]

From Ottawa Creek Bill (via Frenchie):
"Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"

and:

.....Or the sequel, "Reach Around Ridge."

[Books OToole]

Doc to Wyatt:

If we go down here to the OK corral and shoot and miss these guys real fast, we can win.



Books

[Steel Horse Bailey]

Doc to Wyatt:

If we go down here to the OK corral and shoot and miss these guys real fast, we can win.

Books

TOO funny!

[Kanza Kurt]

Once this trail drive is over the first thing I'm gonna do is light some candles, make some chamomile tea a hot bath and loofa 

[US Scout]

Dang!

Just sprayed coffee all over the screen!

[Grizzle Bear]

I trust it was Arbuckle's?

Grizzle Bear

[US Scout]

I trust it was Arbuckle's?

Grizzle Bear

Sure weren't no lahtay!

Scout

[Delmonico]

Sure weren't no lahtay!

Scout

Does anyone want Arbuckle's Latte's at the muster?

[Texas Lawdog]

Only if we can get some canned milk.

[Texas Lawdog]

Who's gonna bring the luffa's. the chamiolmile tea, and candles?

[Delmonico]

Only if we can get some canned milk.

Well no matter if it be canned milk or not, someone else will have to make them.

Might be Turkish coffee around, fact is I know there will be, but that's mannly stuff and PC.

[Texas Lawdog]

Del, My spoon just melted in the Turkish coffee.

[Steel Horse Bailey]

Save me some ... I got plenty of spoons!

[Texas Lawdog]

That Turkish coffee can't be too much stronger than Army coffee that has been boiled all day.

[Steel Horse Bailey]

That Turkish coffee can't be too much stronger than Army coffee that has been boiled all day.

That IS strong Lifer Juice!

But the Turkish is a different kind of strong - and chewy, too! 

[Delmonico]

That IS strong Lifer Juice!

But the Turkish is a different kind of strong - and chewy, too! 

Turkish cofffee would kill most Yuppies, one reason you don't see it at Starbucks.

[Texas Lawdog]

Turkish Coffee! Chewed Fresh Daily!