Western reenactment script

[kitdalton]

Being new to the reenactment game, this script is being posted for comments and suggestions.

THE TRINITY RIVER BANK ROBBERY

The script looks and reads better online at: http://journals.aol.com/kitdalton/script/

[kitdalton]

43 views and no suggestions     Come on pards, this first attempt at script writing ain't no ways perfect  Is it so bad that it would take up too much space to comment on
Comments, ideas, suggestions, etc., would be welcomed.  The TRD reenactment troupe has yet to add this script into their library - it needs to be developed or it will be scrapped.   

It looks and ready better is viewed on line at:
http://journals.aol.com/kitdalton/script/

[Will Dearborn]

 NARRATION


Before Johnny Ringo joined the Cowboy Gang in Tombstone. Arizona in 1879, he honed and plied his outlaws ways in Texas.

During the Mason County War of 1875, Johnny Ringo joined the Gladden - Cooley Gang who committed several murders and acts of mayhem around Fredericksburg, Llano and Lampasas.

An encounter with this ruthless gang of Texas outlaws was a taut and often lethal affair. To face down these thugsIttook the kind of courage that made Texas lawmen legendary.

Let's watch now to see how such a drama may have played out on the streets of Roanoke.


Maybe you might think about stealing a page out of SHakespere's book and go with something that rouses the blood and puts the audience in the mood.

Try something like this:

Narrator:

"Now... you all know Johnny Ringo wasn't no daisy.  That he wasn't no daisy at all. But most folk don't know that before he wore the red sash of the Tombstone Cowboy he rode with another band of mad-dog gunmen in the Mason County war.  The Gladden-Cooley Gang were as ruthless a pack as any found on the streets of Tombstone.  In the Texas towns of Frederickburg, Llano, and Lampas hysteria ran before the pack like it does with any rabid animal. 

And they, as any rabid dog, would have to be put down.  It takes a certain kind of man to deal with murderous madness and not catch the madness himself.  It takes the kind of man that made the Texas lawmen legendary.  It takes a wolf to bring down a dog...

And here comes the wolf now...

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(after RIngo tells the sherrif there's no cause to call em out...)

(Sheriff)

Cause or not, our bank been robbed and you boys are the only strangers I see leavein' town carrying saddle bags that belong to our bank, that makes you my huckleberries. Now get on down here so I can have a closer look.

CHANGE TO:

Sheriff:  I ain't callin' you boys out... I'm eliminatin' suspects.  Let's have a peek in them saddlebags, boys, and then you're on your way.  'Course... if ya refuse, then I'll have to assume there's somethin' in there ya don't want to be seen by the eyes of the Law and are willin' to kill to keep it so.  That makes you criminals and me your huckleberry.





Later:
(Sheriff)

Understand this, I've got two guns, more than enough lead to take all of you with me.  (He pauses to calculate silently and smiles widely)  Hell... I can even miss a couple times.


Later:
(J. Ringo)

I don't sweat for no man, never have, never will.

(Sheriff)

Being cool is good, Johnny. Cause, some of these armed folks are truly hot under the collar. After all, it's their money you boys are stealin'. Them and their young'un are the ones who'll go hungry this winter. You boys should consider all the possibilities you're facin' by pullin' this stunt.

Edit to:

SHERIFF:  Good, Johnnyboy.  Good.  Cause you'll need a cool head to think your way through the next few minutes.  See... these townspeople standin' around?  They ain't exactly innocent bystnaders.  That loot I figure you've got slung over your shoulder is their savings.  Their Christamases.  Their birthdays.  Their farms.  Their food.  Their new dresses and their medicine for sick young 'uns.  That makes them concerned parties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just something to think about.  Use it or not.  Up to you.
I liked it the way it was, but I didn't want you to feel we weren't paying attention.


Long days and pleasant nights,
Will

[Captain Lee Bishop]

Well, you asked, so here goes:
In my experience with re-enacting (32 years now, done almost every time period imaginable, for most of my life), I have found that scripts don't work well for two primary reasons. First, most folks can't remember all the words. Second, most re-enactors are TERRIBLE actors. Many are only capable of the oh-so-subtle nuances of bad silent movie acting. Your script in itself isn't bad, but I'm no script writer either (working on a novel right now, though) so I can't comment on your efforts. Personally, I'd steer clear of a script. I doubt anyone watching this really wants to listen to dialogue anyway.

[kitdalton]

Howdy Will,

Your suggestions are well taken,  some of the dialog will be changed along the lines suggested.  Thanks for taking the time to critique. I knew there was room for improvement, lots of room 

[kitdalton]

Capt'n Bishop,

I salute your 32 years of re-enacting, at 68 I'm just starting to get involved.  All the members of the TRD are amateurs, however, we are all hams and what we can't remember we improvise.  We appear mostly at small town events where families go to pass the time, support the town and to be entertained.  So long as the scenario ends with a lot of black smoke it's a success.  All our troupe like the acting as much as making charcoal burn.

Your points are well taken and I'll work on making the dialog shorter.  Thanks for your comments, this was what I was looking for.