The Last Patrol

[Scarlet Angel]

Combined effort of Ella and Scarlet


Ella was carrying her saddlebags back to the stable when she met Scarlet and Bo coming out of it.

"Care to join us for something to eat?" Bo asked.

Scarlet stepped away from Bo, put her hands on her hips and stretched her back. "You two go ahead, I am more interested in a hot bath."

Bo looked at Scarlet. "Maybe Ella has something for those sore muscles."

Ella looked at Scarlet and asked, "Where are you sore?" 

"My lower back."

"A hot bath sounds more inviting than chow to me as well.  Bo, maybe you could bring us something in a couple hours?" replied Ella.

"Of course." He replied "I'll even try to find something fit for you two." He winked and walked towards the mess tent.

"I'd really like a bottle of whiskey with that bath too." Scarlet said as they turned towards their quarters.

"I've got whiskey in our room, intended for medicial purposes only, of course.  I didn't think I could leave that with the packs and count on it still being there when needed."

"Between the two of us then we probably have more whiskey in our room than some of them soldiers have hidden away." Scarlet half smiled. "Mine was intended for drinking.  Bo stashed his there too."

"Sounds like the medicial whiskey is safe for tonight then," laughed Ella.  "I bought it in El Paso before we left because I didn't have as much alcohol on hand as I wanted to bring.  Dr. Bill had cleaned up all the fermentations before he and Patches left."

"We probably got the best whiskey in the entire fort then." Scarlet laughed softly then took a deep breath.

"What is it, Scarlet?" asked Ella.  "Are you having cramps?"

"They are starting," Scarlet replied. "getting more persistent too. Something tells me it could be a long night, Ella. Maybe you should move your hiding spot for your whiskey."

"If you need my stash of whiskey, you are welcome to it, but I've got tonic more specific to the problem all prepared."  Ella pulled a small bottle with a red ribbon tied around the neck out of her pocket and handed it to Scarlet.  "Drink that."

Scarlet looked at the bottle for a moment. She looked up and smiled at the soldier on guard as they came near their quarters and waited until they were in their room away from earshot of anyone before she asked.

"What do you mean more specific to the problem? What is it and what is it supposed to do?"

"You're starting to miscarry.  The backache was the first symptom.  That tonic is what I use and prescribe for menstral cramps - willowbark, lavender and black cohosh.  It'll ease the cramps a little.  A hot bath will ease them more, and let the miscarriage proceed quicker."

Ella's comment only confirmed Scarlet's suspicions. She placed her saddle bags in their normal spot and the small bottle on the table while she gathered her things for the bath.

Once her things were together she picked the bottle back up and opened it. Scarlet took another deep breath and drank it down.

Ella knew the deep breath wasn't from the back pain or the cramps. It had been a sigh of somebody accepting the inevitable.

Scarlet put to small bottle down and picked up her things, including the bottle of whiskey she had retrieved. "I was almost beginning to wonder if the doctors had been wrong," commented Scarlet as they went towards the bath. 

Ella waited until they were in the bathing chamber with the door locked before she responded, "Based on your medical history, I was surprised that this pregnancy lasted almost four months.  Sooner or later, I would like to examine you thoroughly.  I know you don't like that kind of prodding and poking, but I'm thinking the damage from the first miscarriage, or rather from the infection you got at the time of the first miscarriage, might be healing."

Scarlet was quiet for a long moment. "I've had more than one thorough exam. One when I went home for Thanksgiving after we came home from Mexico, another from Dr. Woods before Fritz and I were married and another when I thought I had become pregnant. You're right Ella, I DON'T like it. Not at all," she said, sinking down into the hot bath and picking up the whiskey bottle. "The last time Doc Woods said there was a considerable amount of scar tissue." Scarlet removed the cork and took a long swallow from the bottle.

Scarlet knew Ella was trying to be helpful and she knew Ella was a good healer, but Ella had struck a sore nerve. "He said I would not survive natural childbirth. So you can understand," Scarlet's tone became sarcastic, "how very thrilled I am to think certain parts of me might be healing while others are not."     

"I need to look at those scars.  Some kinds of scars matter more than others, and some kinds of scars I can treat.  If you can't do natural childbirth, a caesarian is an option.  I know you're heard the bad statistics about c-sections, but my experience has been better.  In any case, partial healing means is that you and Fritz are going to have to take precautions against you getting pregnant again for at least a year.  If you need advice on that, just ask.  I have plenty of practice at ignoring that damn Comstock Law."

"Now that I know I can get pregnant, precautions against getting pregnant will have to last longer than a year, Ella. A caesarian is not an option."

Scarlet leaned her head back, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I'm being nasty. I know you are only trying to help and please know I trust you more than anybody. I know a few precautions but I'm sure the medical journals you read may be better and I'm sure things have advanced since I was married the first time." 

"They would advance even more if men would allow women to have control over themselves.  If I don't watch out, I'll go off on a rant about laws that give the husband complete control over his wife's funds, even if he is a gambler or a drunkard and leaves her and their children destitute," Ella paused and sighed. "I inherited some money from my grandmother.  The bank account was controlled by my uncle until I married Alan.  He's had control of it ever since.  I could add money to the account, and did put my earnings from working as a midwife in, but couldn't take any out. That's why I didn't tell the bank in El Paso that I have a husband, so there wouldn't be any question about who controlled that account."

Ella sighed again, "I thought I was saving up my way to go with him to Vienna."

Scarlet took another long drink. She wasn't sure if it was the whisky or what Ella had given her that at least gave her some relief from the back ache, nor did she care. The cramps were increasing in pain and frequency but so far she was able to handle that. She figured it was just a matter of time though, this however couldn't be as bad as the last time.

"How did it make you feel that he chose to leave you behind?" Scarlet said offering the bottle to Ella. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Ella took the bottle and took a swig while thinking.  The habit of reticence regarding her personal sorrows was strong.  But Scarlet needed the distraction, and Ella needed to talk it out to help get everything straight in her own mind before she saw Alan again.  "I'll tell.  But first, let me poke you to see how things are progressing.  Maybe I have time for a bath, too." 

Ella poked gently, and declared, "There's time for me to take a quick bath, anyway."  She added more hot water to Scarlet's tub, and prepared the other tub for herself, then washed a shaving mug from the shelf and poured some of Scarlet's whiskey. 

[Elegant Ella]

Ella disappeared behind the screen around the other tub.  Once she was settled into the tub, she started washing her hair, and talking. 

"I think my parents are like yours, Scarlet.  Their marriage is a partnership.  Each has an area of control, but there is a bigger area where decisions are agreed on by both of them.  I don't know if Grammy's marriage was the same way, because I went to live with her after Grandpa died and Grammy refused to live with her daughter, my Aunt Helen.  I suspect it was, and that example is why my father shares control comfortably with my mother. 
"Alan's parents and brother's marriages were more traditional.  The wife had complete control within the house including the kitchen garden, while the husband handled everything outside, including money.  He gave her the amount of money she needed for household expenses each week, and did not ask for an accounting.  He would ask her opinion, but he made the decision on major issues.
"My uncle is more domineering.  He controls the menu and requires an accounting of the money spent on food, clothing and household items.  I have never understood why my aunt accepts the situation.  I quarreled with him and rebelled frequently.  I suspect he let me come to the hospital tents in hopes that the violence and ugliness of war would scare me into docility.
"His plan might have worked, too, except for Dr. Alan Coatsworth. Alan has been the center of my world since the day I met him, which was the day of the battle of Cold Harbor.  I had been there a week by then, and had learned that none of the doctors would answer my questions.  Some of them were pretty rude about being asked by a 'snip of a girl child'. I was feeling shocked and scared and sick by the sight of all those wounded boys, when this younger doctor asked me to help him dress wounds.  He gave me work I could focus on, instead of being overwhelmed by everything, explained what he was doing while he did it, and encouraged me to ask questions. 
"He didn't get along with most of the older doctors.  He used newer methods than they were used to, and tried to get them to adopt 'new-fangled' standards of cleanliness.  Only my uncle shared his methods.  They graduated from the same medical school 10 years apart, and my uncle had taught some of Alan's classes. 
"Nurses were not much respected by some of the doctors.  They dumped patients they could not help into the ward for the nurses to tend.  I soon learned that Dr. Alan would make the time to come when I asked him to extract a bullet from a patient another doctor had rejected as hopeless.  I don't remember Fritz's injuries exactly, but if he had a bullet lodged in him, Dr. Alan was the one who took it out.  Later, Dr. Alan gave me a set of surgical tools and showed me how to use them."

Scarlet heard splashing and guessed Ella might be rinsing her hair.

"When we were first married, we lived with his parents, brother and sister-in-law in a big house on the outskirts of Boston.  He drove into town everyday to his surgical practice with Dr. Abramson, and I stayed home.  His parents were frail, and his sister-in-law was having babies, so I was busy with keeping house and nursing the family.  I was somewhat bored, so Alan encouraged me to read his medical textbooks and journals to discuss with him.  I especially liked the pharmacy textbook.  There was actual scientific theory to support the observations Grammy had recorded in her notebooks about various herbs!
"When his parents died, his brother inherited the house.  Alan inherited a little money, just enough to make his dream of training in Vienna seem possible.  We moved into town, into Dr. Abramson's house, and started seriously saving.  I offered for him to use my inheritance, but he refused.  He said that money was for me to have a house of my own someday. 
"I added my earnings to my account, but it grew pretty slowly.  I got paid in money only for the delivery of a baby, by the father.  Most of my work was with the women in the congregation, who didn't have money to pay me.  So they paid with time.  For example, Susie would do the laundry for me, and Beth would do the ironing for a week as payment for tonics that helped their children get over an illness.  I received tatted doilies sometimes.  So the house was clean, the laundry was done, and it looked like I filled my time with ladylike occupations.
"Dr. Abramson always insisted on being paid in cash, but Alan sometimes accepted goods instead.  Once, he was given a dress length of rose silk as payment for removing an inflamed appendix.  Alan gave the silk to me for a birthday present, and I wore a dress made from it for his birthday six weeks later.  There had been a measles epidemic that spring, and I had been very busy, too busy to get any sewing done.  But the rabbi's wife got the fabric made into a dress for me.
"Alan didn't refuse to let me come, but he argued that if I spent the money in my inheritance account on the trip, we would have to live in Dr. Abramson's house for a few more years after we got back.  If the money stayed in the bank, we would use it to get a house of our own when Alan got back.  Then he let me choose.
"Dr. Abramson was a bad influence on Alan.  He was fine as a doctor, but a terrible example as a husband.  I really wanted to get out of his house as soon as possible.  Alan was going to be gone for one year, maybe two, and the time should reduce Dr. Abramson's inflence over him.
"But now he's been gone three years, and come back to living in Dr. Abramson's house again.  I don't know why he stayed the third year, and why he's staying in Boston now.  I'm afraid he fell in love with someone else in Vienna, and he's going to divorce me and marry her."  Ella stopped with a sob.  She hadn't meant to expose the fear that was the source of her bad dreams and insomnia. 

[Elegant Ella]

"Have his letters given you that feeling?"

Scarlet's voice was compassionate. Behind what could be a cold hard exterior she cared a great deal for her friends and family. 

Ella heard the slosh of the water and listened to make sure it was Scarlet washing her hair and not going under from the whiskey, the pain or the combination there of.

There was silence for a moment. Both women became concerned for the well being of each other.

"Ella?"
"Scarlet?" Came in unison.

"I mean doesn't Alan send letters that make you smile and your heart beat a little faster?"

"He did for the first two years.  He was so excited by what he was learning and looking forward to sharing it all with me.  But he didn't send as many letters during the third year.  He said he was working in a hospital, but he didn't talk about anything exciting that he was learning.  For all I know, he might have been scrubbing floors.  I really don't know why he stayed that third year.  I even asked outright, but he ignored the question."

"Do you send him letters that might have made his heart beat faster? Does he know you still love him?"

"I tried to make it clear I love him and want him back with me.  I talked about the possibilities of setting up a practice in El Paso, and told him about houses I had looked at that might work for a clinic and home.  He was more willing to talk about the future than about the present.  Maybe he was scrubbing floors, and ashamed of it.  I asked if he needed money, because I could send him some from my savings here, but that was another question he ignored."

"Perhaps he is nervous about coming home. You are not the woman he left to live with Dr. Abramson. Elegant Eddy is an adventurer." Scarlet giggled then became serious again "He may be thinking the same things you are Ella. What if she's found somebody who I cannot measure up to, expects me to be something I am not? One never knows what another is thinking unless you ask and they answer honestly. Then if it's written and not said face to face the reader may interpret it different than writer intended." 

"I asked my friend Deborah in Boston to see what she could find out, but we headed north before she could have answered. I sent her another letter from Fort Laramie so she wouldn't get concerned if I don't respond to a letter from her.  I sent Alan a letter when the supply wagon left, to wish him a happy birthday and wish him well with his lecture series.  I hadn't congratulated him on that post.  For entertainment, I told him about Chris, and your fight with him.  If we knew how long we're going to stay at this fort, I might be able to get an answer back.  I probably could get into the telegraph office, but Deborah's answer is likely to be too long to send by wire, and Alan already declined to send a telegram when he was supposed to."  Ella was calming down again. 

She came out from behind the screen wearing camisole and drawers with her hair wrapped in a towel.  "It's time to see how things are progressing with you."  She poked again, then started massaging Scarlet's lower abdomen.  The massage soothed the cramps at first, then came a strange feeling.  The strange sensation was repeated.  Ella pulled something out of the water and examined it.  "Complete!" she announced with satisfaction.  She laid it on a cloth, and wrapped it.  "Do you want to see her?" she asked.

Scarlet picked the bottle of whiskey up and emptied what was left. She took a long deep breath as she leaned her head back against the tub and closed her eyes tight. She could feel her body shake and the tears roll down her cheeks.

"No" she said weekly, part of her wishing Ella had not even said she or he. The fact Ella had been able to identify the sex made it worse in Scarlet's mind.

It was no longer a mass of tissue. Scarlet had seen both stages when the mares miscarried foals. The early ones were masses of tissue while the later ones were developed and had features.  She was about to heave the bottle against the wall in anger but let it slip from her fingers instead figuring nobody wanted to clean broken glass in the bath house.

Scarlet gripped the sides of the tub to stop her arms from shaking. "The fates must hate me, Ella." She muttered, "not only have I become a killer of men, I have become a deceitful wife too." Scarlet clinched her jaw "I don't know that I will be able to look Fritz in the eyes next time I see him." 

"I wouldn't call you a deceitful wife for refraining from burdening Fritz with female troubles when he has other concerns.  If the two of you had stayed at the Starr, the pregnancy might have gone another month at most, and the miscarriage would have been harder.  Meanwhile Fritz would have been miserable, both with concern for you and worry about the company he had deserted.  Once the pregnancy ended, it would have been too late for him to rejoin the company.  You should tell him about it eventually, but on the way home to the Starr is soon enough.  Miscarriages are frequent enough that my patients in Boston usually didn't tell their husbands they were pregnant until the baby quickened in the fifth month." Ella stood up and went over the other tub, "We should finish up in here.  Bo will be over with our dinner before long.  I'm washing my clothes.  Shall I do yours as well?"

"I'm going to have to remember to do something nice for you, Ella," Scarlet said pulling herself up out of the tub, dressing as she spoke.  "I didn't want to let anybody know about the pregnancy because I've had too many sorrowful or pitying looks and I don't think I could have stomached any more, although I know they are not meant that way. You have not done any of that but you have been compassionate and tolerant."

Ella could hear Scarlet move to where she had lay the bundle, she could hear Scarlet holding back her own sobs now.   

A moment later Scarlet came around the screen and to Ella's surprise gave her a hug. Scarlet then straightened up, took the towel from her hair and wiped her face.

"If you are going to do yours I would appreciate if you did mine. What do I need to do to help?"

"Help me wring them out and drape them over the screen for now. When Bo gets here, we can have him take a message to Blackbeard that we won't be going after Carrie tomorrow.  You should be able to ride tomorrow, but wouldn't be comfortable on a long ride."  Ella thought a moment, "What do you say to going fishing with me tomorrow?  That gets us away from the fort for a discreet burial."

"I'd like that," replied Scarlet. "Maybe we'll see the wild horses again."

[1stSgt Fritz King]

Something was wrong.

He couldn't put his finger on it, but Fritz knew something was wrong.  He'd excused himself from the corral and returned to his tent.  He closed the flap and dropped his shirt on the cot.  Fritz was tired and sore, and was dirty to boot.  Maybe he'd ask Scarlet if he could use the bath house.

"Scarlet..?"

Fritz dropped to his knees by his cot, and lowered his head.

"My gracious Lord and Heavenly Father, thank you for this day.  Something is wrong...I know it.  But I trust in you dear Jesus, that all will work out as you see fit.  In your prescious name I pray, Amen."

He laid his head down on the cot.  He felt like crying.  He didn't know why.

In a few moments, he was asleep.

[1stSgt Fritz King]

He'd once seen a player piano in a saloon in El Paso.  Fritz had been fascinated by it.  It appeared to be a standard upright piano with a glass face.  Behind the glass were a set of large rollers.  The rollers held rolls of perforated paper.  The holes in the paper corresponded to notes of music.  The whole thing was powered by a spring and a hand crank.  When it played, they keys moved.

Fritz's dream felt like that, except that someone had overwound the spring.

He was back home, at the ranch working horses.  Scarlet sat on the porch, playing with a small child.  Their laughter was musical.

Suddenly the child was a young girl, riding Lucky bareback.  Her face was Scarlet's but her eyes were his.

Now she was learning to shoot.  Scarlet insisted she use Travis' guns.  The percussion Colts taught her patience.  The Colts were unusually large for such a small set of hips.  "She'll grow into them," Scarlet said with a smile.

Fritz awoke with a start.  His face was wet.  The tent was dark.  Only it wasn't his tent...it was the sweatlodge.  Fritz knew that Grey Eagle sat across from him in the darkness.

"That is not your path, Ni Itzo," he said sadly.  "This is your path, and you must follow it to the end."  Grey Eagle lifted the flap, and...

...he awoke with a start.  His face was wet.  The tent was dark.  He had no idea how long he'd been asleep.  All he knew was his body ached.

He had to talk to her.  He had to know.

Fritz grabbed his shirt and left the tent.   

[Scarlet Angel]

"Supper" Bo called knocking at the door. "I found you ladies something I thought might appeal to you." He said with a grin "just don't ask where I might have found it." He said coming in the door that had been pulled open.

"Thank you Bo." Scarlet said handing Ella a pair of unmentionables to hang up.

"Oh should have brought mine." He said with a chuckle setting the plates on the table.

"Do me a favor Bo and put the chair next to the fire." Scarlet asked.

Bo pulled the chair over in front of the fire noticing the empty bottle sitting next to the unopened one.

"Anything else I can do?" He asked watching the two women for a moment. They both looked as if something might be wrong. Maybe he had interrupted a "girls" discussion.

"Is everything ok?" It was a question for both of them.

"Everything will be fine tomorrow." Ella replied. "Oh can you let Black beard know we are going to wait a day or two to go after Carrie."

"Sure, but why?"

Scarlet went over and curled into the chair. "Remember when you said we'd been working too hard Bo. Well, Ella and I are taking a day off tomorrow."

Bo chuckled "I guess you just told me." He walked over and placed his hands on Scarlet's shoulders. "There is something else? What is it?" He asked.

Scarlet put her hand over his. "One favor Bo."

He kneeled down next to her. She looked alright except for a little tired and a bit pale except for the color in her cheeks from the whiskey.

She thought about putting her arms around him and asking him to stay. She needed someone to hold her; to keep the dream walkers she was sure were coming away. Scarlet looked at Bo and half smiled. She thought about sending him to get Fritz. Scarlet closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She'd come close to telling him last night, maybe she should have, but the fact was she had not so why burden him now like Ella said.

"Don't go far tonight." She finally said.

He kissed her cheek and stood. "I'll go talk to Black beard then I will be in the parlor if you need anything."

Bo stopped at the door and looked at Ella who was closing the door behind him. "Is she ok?"

"Scarlet will be fine tomorrow."

Bo hurried to find Black beard.

[1stSgt Fritz King]

Fritz passed by Bo in the darkness.  He heard him say hello, but didn't acknowledge him.  He'd apologize later.  The sentry stood on the porch, his head resting on his rifle.  On an ordinary day, Fritz would chew his ass...but not today.  He knocked at the door to their quarters.  His hands were shaking.

Ella was braiding her hair. She had already brushed and braided Scarlet's hair as part of soothing Scarlet towards sleep. Ella was wearing a nightgown, and was probably enjoying the sensation of clean flannel against clean skin.

Scarlet was curled in the chair, thinking she wished he was there. She needed him to hold her, but how would he know if she'd never told him? She'd thought of sending Bo to get him but Ella was right, it was done and the trip home or when the fighting was done would be soon enough.

"Scarlet...?  It's me...Fritz.  May I come in?"

Ella strode forward to bar the door, if necessary.  She'd refuse to let him in, in order to protect Scarlet.  She was used to mens' anger over miscarried births.  They were hurt, and sometimes had no other way to express it.  She'd deflect the anger if she could, and take it in if necessary.   

When Scarlet heard his voice part of her wanted to let Ella send him away, but the rest of her was overtaken by the part of her that needed him.

"Is he alone?" she asked.

Ella asked, "Are you alone Fritz?"

"Yes."

Ella opened the door a crack and peered out.  "Yes, he is" she replied.

"Let him in Ella." Scarlet said, slowly standing.  She slowly crossed the room towards him.

Fritz came  in, visibly shaken.  "I'm a fool" he said.  "How far along are you?"

Scarlet stammered, "F-four months."  It was the first time he'd ever heard her stammer.

"Are you all right?"

She could barely look at him.  "No," she replied.

Scarlet wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in his chest.  He felt her trembling as her tears soaked through his shirt.

He began to shake, knowing the truth in Grey Eagle's vision. 

His voice cracked.  "Did you plan on telling me?"

She misread his question, and began to pull away. "I'm sorry,"she she said through her tears.

A part of him died in that moment.  It was small, almost imperceptible.  But it died nonetheless.

Ella had heard quite enough.  She strode forward, ready to stand between them.  She was angry.

"You made your decision to come back to the 2nd before she had a chance to tell you. From everything she'd been told, she was going to miscarry early. So how could she try to use it to hold you? Did you want her to make you choose between her and your men?"
 
Fritz hadn't expected Ella's attack.  He didn't know what to say.  "You're a doctor, Ella.  You know the risks.  How could you let her risk herself by coming here?"

Ella replied "I came with her to reduce the risk. Scarlet needs to be where you are."

Fritz held Scarlet tighter.  His voice was small.  "May I see her?"

Ella was shocked.  How did he know it was a girl? 

Ella brought the bundle over from the table where she had laid it, and open the top so he could see the baby's head.  His tears came now.  It was the face he'd seen in his dream.

Ella said "Sleeping in your husband's arms is the best medicine for you right now, Scarlet. I'll join Bo in the parlor."

Fritz tried to decline, saying, "Ella, I can't kick you out again..."

"Doctor's orders!" She replied in a mock-stern voice, pulled a coat on over her nightgown, picked up a pillow and blanket, and left.

[Elegant Ella]

Bo wasn't asleep yet when the door to the parlor closed.  The scent of lavender told him that Ella had entered.  He slitted his eyes open, pretending to be asleep.  He noticed how much more quietly she moved without her boots and pockets. 

Ella looked at Bo asleep in his bedroll on the rug.  The sofa had been a little small for her to sleep on, and would have been uncomfortably small for Bo.  It really wasn't that comfortable, anyway.  Whether she slept on the sofa or on the floor wasn't going to make any difference to her reputation. 

She dropped her coat onto the sofa, then settled onto the rug next to Bo with her pillow and blanket and fell asleep while murmuring in Hebrew. 

On the trail, it was normal for her to settle between Scarlet and Bo for the night.  Everyone was fully dressed inside their bedrolls and sleeping that close together was the way of friends who trusted each other with their lives. 

Bo wondered if Ella realized that by sleeping next to him wearing so little clothing she had just promoted him to "brother", and was trusting him with her honor as well as with her life.  He went to sleep smiling.

Later, he was awakened by Ella whimpering in a bad dream.  He reached out to soothe her, the way he would have soothed Scarlet, and she settled with a sigh. 

Much later, Ella woke and squinted at the watch she had left within reach.  4 am, and time for everyone to get back to their proper beds.  She got her coat back on, and went back to her room. 

[Scarlet Angel]

Combined effort of Fritz and Scarlet

Scarlet heard Ella shut the door behind her. He felt her take a deep breath. Her body still trembled but much less than before. Fritz had been with her long enough to know she was working on locking her feelings away.

Scarlet wiped her eyes and began to pull away from him. "You can go anytime you like." She said still avoiding eye contact with him.

Fritz cupped her chin in his hand, and looked into her eyes.  He could see the pain there, as deep as his own.

"Not gonna happen," he said. 

He'd been taught all his life to suppress his emotions.  "Big boys don't cry," dad said.  Hold it all in; be stony.  He'd studied it so long and learned it so well, that he eventually felt nothing.  Even in that Mexican jail, close to death, he felt nothing but anger. Then he'd met her and for the first time in his life he felt passion.  It was better than being dead inside.  She'd saved his life, and he would save hers.

"I Love you Scarlet...and I'm staying."

Scarlet placed her hand on his chest; she could feel the beat of his heart, matching the same rhythm of her own. He had every right to be angry with her, but he wasn't she could feel that in his touch and see it in his eyes.

For the last few weeks her emotions kept her feeling like she'd been walking on thin ice. Should she tell him? Shouldn't she tell him? The dreams of how happy she had been when she had told Travis they were going to have a baby had somehow become twisted nightmares leaving her feeling ill and emotionally drained knowing she'd never share the same joy with Fritz.

"You would make a good father and you deserve so much more than what I can give you." Her voice was soft but she continued before he had a chance to respond to the statement. "I don't know how you knew I needed you here to protect me tonight but I'm glad you came and are going to stay."

He looked at her, and then down at himself.

"I don't want to soil your bed, darlin."

Scarlet stepped back and stared at him in disbelief. She could feel her heart begin to pound like a thunder storm in her chest. She was hurt and she'd opened up to him. The first time she'd asked for his protection the entire time they'd been together and he'd responded with he didn't want to soil her bed? She'd told him he could go and he'd said he loved her and he was going to stay, but he didn't want to soil her bed? A confused look crossed her face.  Or was it he didn't....the dream she'd had of him happy with a different family flashed through her mind.

"To hell with that bed." She hissed as she pulled on her slicker and buckled on her gun belt as she moved away from him. Scarlet picked up the whisky bottle and her boots then stormed out the door slamming it hard enough behind her it rattled the room.

Scarlet stopped long enough in the hall to hastily pull on her boots. She could feel her emotions becoming irrational and spinning out of control again and she hated it. She'd been dealing with that since she got pregnant and now that it was over it seemed worse. Scarlet gritted her teeth, straightened her back and stepped out the door into the cool night air.

She went towards the stables thinking she deserved that for lying to him, probably deserved a lot worse. He'd chosen the army, she should have left him to his choice and not followed him, after all she'd always told him he should always choose what was best for him.

Scarlet felt awful by the time she reached the stables.  She should have stayed in her warm room and insisted if he didn't want to share her bed he could go back to his own she thought.

Lucky nickered as she entered his stall. Scarlet buried her face in his long mane, she wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come. She couldn't even do that right she thought.

[Scarlet Angel]

"Who is the fool?" She mumbled backing up and petting Lucky's nose as he turned to look at her. If Lucky would have answered she was sure he would have said "He is the fool for marrying a bigger one."

Scarlet hurried back to her room hoping Fritz would still be there for some reason. Half way there she had to unbuckle her gun belt and shoulder it. By the time she reached her room she was winded and sore all over again. She put her hand on the knob and waited a moment to catch her breath. She could feel her heart pounding again and doubted it was from her running around. It was more from the fear that one day she'd try to push him away and he would just go. She didn't know what she'd do if the room was empty.

Scarlet jumped when the door knob turned in her hand and the door slowly swung open.  Fritz looked hurt, angry and confused.

"I am sorry." She said softly coming in the door making him back up so he couldn't leave if he wanted to. "Please don't go."

Fritz didn't reply, Scarlet couldn't tell if he was angry or just figured anything he said was going to set her off again and saying nothing was the smartest thing.

Scarlet tossed her gun belt onto the bed and took his hand in hers. "The only foolish thing you've ever done Fritz is awaken feelings in me that I don't know how handle at times. If you still want to stay there is a bath right around the corner or I'll let you have the chair I was planning on sleeping in. If you feel you want to go I will not hold that against you either."

He looked into her eyes and again she broke eye contact with him.

He placed fingers under her chin and tilted her head up so she'd look at him.

"I Love you Scarlet...and I'm staying, show me the bath chamber."

Ella's knock came to early on the door.

Scarlet kissed Fritz softly, he pulled her close and held her tight.

She was better this morning, but there was still sadness in her eyes. At least she was holding eye contact with him this morning and her body had stopped shaking sometime during the night. It had seemed to Fritz every time she had relaxed enough to fall asleep she started to have bad dreams and he had to wake her up.

Scarlet caressed his cheek. "Ella and I are going to bury her today." She said sadly. She got out of bed and went to the door.

Ella waited patiently for Fritz to get dressed and the door to open again.

[Scarlet Angel]

Black beard woke earlier than usual; pulling on his clothes he went outside. He spotted Cyrus filling his cup and putting the coffee pot back over the fire.

Bo had seemed upset last night. He'd been short in his conversation with Black beard only saying Scarlet didn't feel well and they would be delaying going after Carrie.

Black beard had heard the rumors of what was being said about both Ella and Scarlet and it had left him wondering. Narrowing his eyes he walked over to Cyrus.

"Those soldiers should dance the hempen jig fer what they're saying about Miss Ella and you...you" Black beard eyed Cyrus with disapproval.

Cyrus looked up at him. The over six foot, dark haired man had the ability to scare the hell out of him at times, especially when he was angry and the more he spoke the angrier he sounded. 

"aught to be introduced to the cat-o'-nine-tails fer what you said about Scarlet. If I was Bo I would have done it right there in the mess hall so others wouldn't be getting' the same idea."

Cyrus backed out of Blackbeard's reach. "You're not going to flog me are you?"

"No, and I ain't gonna hang ya either....unless she were to ask me to." Black beard replied.

"It was a bad joke; her first husband would have taken it as such. I intend to apologize directly to her."

"If she will give you the time of day."

"Scarlet will not hold a grudge like that." Cyrus said hoping he was right.

"Scarlet canceled our trip. She didn't even come and tell me direct. I hope she just hasn't tired of the comments and decided to be finished with the whole lot of us." Black beard snorted then turned and walked towards where the ladies bunked.

Scarlet had stayed up when Ella came back to their room and taken her time getting ready for the day. They were just sitting down to have breakfast in their room when they heard the voices outside.

"What business do you have here?"

"I've come to talk to Scarlet."

"Who are you?"  The guard said stepping back and bringing his rifle to port arms.

"Don't be a fool boy." Black beard growled.

Recognizing the voice Scarlet pushed away from the small table, stood and walked out.

"Mr. Comstock let him pass." She said opening the door.

Scarlet saw the look of relief wash over his face as Mr. Comstock glanced over his shoulder at her. "Yes ma'am, I didn't realize you were expecting company."

"I wasn't but he is always welcome."

"Yes ma'am." He replied trying to ignore the rumors he had heard, it wasn't any of his business anyway but one had to wonder just a little if there was any truth to them. Scarlet certainly had a unique taste in men if this one was here to see her, bringing flowers too.

"I've come to ask you why you sent Bo to tell me why we aren't going to look for Carrie today."

Scarlet looked puzzled. "We sent him so you wouldn't be ready and not have the rest of us show up."

"He said you weren't feeling well." Black beard said looking at her thinking she looked tired and was somewhat somber.

Scarlet raised an eyebrow "I am not up to a long hard ride today."

Comstock was trying to ignore the conversation best he could.

"He was short, I wondered if he was angry, if you were angry because of the rude tongue wagging that has been going on."

"I am irritated, but nothing I haven't heard before. Most men don't bother to ask they just like to make up more interesting tales to amuse themselves with at times. I've learned to have a thick skin Darlin'."

Black beard looked down and realized he was still holding the bunch of wild flowers he'd found on his way over.

"We don't all listen to the tales some of the men make up." He said then looked at the man on guard. "Do we soldier?"

"No sir." The man replied with a smile.

"I brought these for you and Ella. I was hoping I wouldn't find you ladies packing your bags to leave because you'd grown tired of us."

"You can come in and give them to her. We were just having something to eat, if you'd like to join us." Scarlet replied.

"I don't want to impose." He said noticing she had yet to crack any type of a smile, her eyes were emotionless, that was odd for Scarlet he thought. Her eyes always had something to tell him, happy, angry, or calculating but there was just nothing there today.  "Is there anything I can do for you?" He said handing the flowers to her.

Scarlet looked at them, a weak smile threatened her lips and her eyes softened a little.

"Yes there is." She said looking up at him. "Ella prescribed rest for me today, which means fishing. I would rather have something besides fish; you don't suppose you could get a hunting party together and get something that doesn't come from the river do you?"

The man grinned. "I would be happy to do that for you ladies. Something like we had a few nights ago."

Scarlet turned to go back inside. "Do not fret Black beard it will take more than a few bloody rumors to get rid of Ella and me. You will have to make us walk the plank at the pointy end of that sword you carry to get rid of us."

Black beard laughed out loud then said "Good to hear lass, good to hear."

Scarlet dipped her head and smiled then walked back inside.

"A man full of surprises." Scarlet said showing the wild flowers to Ella.

A large hunting party was headed out the gates by the time Ella and Scarlet reached the stables.

Bo had finished saddling the horses for both Ella and Scarlet.

"Black beard said you two would be fishing today." He said handing Ella her reins. "I'd like to talk to Scarlet alone if you don't mind."

Ella looked questioningly over at Scarlet who nodded her approval.

Ella waited patiently outside the stable. When Scarlet and Bo walked out Ella could tell by the sadness in his eyes Scarlet had told him what had happened. Knowing how close the two were she figured Scarlet had told Bo everything including what the door slamming was all about.

[1stSgt Fritz King]

Something was different about Fritz.  He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew it was true.  Captain Schurmann sipped his morning coffee as he watched his subordinate inspect the troops.  Fritz usually moved with the smooth and easy confidence of the veteran.  Not so today.  His movements were harsh, jerky even.  He'd speak to him after formation. 

Bill imagined it was due to lack of sleep.  Fritz was married to a Longknife after all.  Their passionate way of living life was well-known to him.  He and Johnny might've been close friends, had not the war intervened. 

He'd allow Fritz his dalliances, as long as they didn't affect the performance of his duties.

The inspection over, Fritz released the men to Scott, to carry out the plan of the day.

"Lieutenant King, take the air with me."

Fritz fell in a step to the left and a step to the rear as they walked.

"Are you all right?  You don't look well.  Your color..."

Fritz interrupted.  "Just a little trouble sleeping, sir."

"Falling asleep or staying asleep?"

"Both, sir."

"Perhaps you've been too long in a bed, and not long enough in a military cot?"

Fritz knew where this was going.  "Sir, I will maintain my professionalism and my bearing."

Bill stopped.  "No doubt you will.  But the moment that I see otherwise, we'll have to talk again.  Understood?"

"Of course, sir."


"Now, let's go see what cookie and Ella have come with for morning chow."

Bill noticed something else about Fritz.  There was a certain deadness to his eyes.  He'd seen that look before at Cold Harbor.  Fritz was usually as hard as a diamond...

...now it seemed as if he'd shatter like glass.





     

[Scarlet Angel]

Lucky moved ahead of the group carrying his rider quick and smooth, pinning his ears at people who stepped to close as they passed as if he meant to protect something delicate.

Scarlet's dreams had been unusually deceptive and very dark. Things that she had slight doubts about had screamed at her all night even though she knew they weren't true. She was hurt and angry, silence was best until she could get ahold of her thoughts.

Bo watched her, she was emotionally hardest on herself but she'd push those close to her too. She was much like him in that respect. Bo could recall the things he had said to her so many years ago when he had been hurting and she had stood hard and fast. At least she usually didn't blurt things out in the heat of anger, a lesson he'd had to learn the hard way. He'd been there for her when she had walked in those shoes too but this was somehow different. She was fast trying to convince herself Fritz would be better off with someone who could give him more. When Bo replied he knew what he was getting and he chose you because he loves you. Scarlet had replied calmly "He is with his family and I've been reminded I can't do any better for him." She was about the hard headiest woman he knew but much stronger than she gave herself credit for.

Bo looked over his shoulder and saw Fritz walking towards the mess tent.

"I'll catch up." He said to Ella then spun his horse around.

"Lieutenant King." Bo said pulling his horse up next to them. "Captain." He greeted, then turned his attention back to Fritz. "The scouts have gone on a hunting trip; Miss Ella has a taste for fish today. You have fought with us. I think you have earned the men's respect, know you are welcome to hunt or fish with us also, but we understand your duties may keep you here."

He wasn't sure how else to tell Fritz he was welcome to come with them. Bo's heart had sunk when Scarlet had told him what had happened, he was sure Fritz felt worse. She'd told Bo Fritz had said nothing when she told him they were going to bury the child today. She knew he was hurting but she didn't know how to help him. She had then growled something about being useless in comforting him.

[1stSgt Fritz King]

It was an unusual request, but it might be exactly what Fritz needed.  It was Saturday after all.  The men could use a day of rest as well.

"Lieutenant King will escort you outside the perimeter"

Bo nodded.  "Thanks Cap'n."

"Fritz, keep them safe."

[Scarlet Angel]

Bo waited until they cleared the gates and the ears of the fort.  "I am sorry 'bout what happened Fritz." He said.

Fritz figured Bo would find out sooner or later, he knew Scarlet sometimes better than her own mother. "When did she tell you?"

"This morning." Bo could see Ella and Scarlet in the distance. "She's hard headed Fritz, I'm sure you know that."

Fritz glanced over at him. Bo was one of the few people that could make comments about Scarlet that he wouldn't get irritated by.

"She loves you. Don't misinterpret her silence as anger towards you, it is more towards herself. I've tried to remind her the same thing about you."

Bo slowed his horse so they would be out of earshot of the girls. He'd probably catch hell for it too somehow Scarlet would know she was the subject of conversation.

"Scarlet made a few comments this morning during our conversation."

Fritz looked over at him again. Sometimes Bo knew too much and Fritz wondered if he really wanted to hear.

"It's one thing to be barren but to carry a child long enough so you have some idea of what he or she would looked like. No good man should have to live with that kind of a wife."

Fritz looked shocked. "I've never said."

Bo raised his hand. "I know Fritz. The only thing you have done is give the woman you love a compliment about she would make a good mother when you see her doing motherly type things. That's the other thing about her. Someone can say something and she'll remember it forever." Bo shook his head. "She also says she has seen you with a family and you looked happy. The woman is blonde and pretty, Scarlet doesn't know who she is.  Scarlet also said her dreams have been deceptive lately so she doesn't know if there is truth to it or not."

Fritz didn't know if he should thank Bo or not for telling him things. "Why did you tell me these things?"

"The mood she's in Fritz, I don't know which way it will swing. I know she knows you love her. You tell her so and it's more than words and she loves you." Bo half smiled. "She told me that too. Scarlet has a tendency to find that one exposed never and work on it, she does it to herself too I think. Folks that love one another the way you two do should be able to help heal one another's pain and I figure if you have some idea of what she's been thinking about you won't be out flanked if she tries to find that nerve." Bo raised an eyebrow "I could always keep my mouth shut if you prefer."

[Scarlet Angel]

Ella rode next to Scarlet. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself," she said, knowing from their recent conversations what kinds of things Scarlet was turning over in her mind.

Scarlet shrugged her shoulders. "I'll work through it."

"Don't be surprised if your moods keep going up and down for a while.  I've had a few patients whose emotions settled right away after childbirth, but most patients continue to feel emotional turmoil for weeks and months, no matter whether the pregnancy ended with a miscarriage or the delivery of a healthy child."

"I suppose it's good to hear it happens to others too. Although I need to get some control over my emotions before I open my mouth and say things I will regret later."

"While you're turning thoughts over in your mind, think about this. In a way, the Army has given Fritz dozens of sons, with none of the fuss and bother of feedings in the middle of the night, diapers, teething, and so on.  But the Army cannot substitute for a wife to love him and give him joy.  Even when there is a brothel nearby, the physical pleasure offered by whores is rarely joyful."

Scarlet started to say something, but Ella overrode her.

"Just because a woman can bear children does NOT mean she brings her husband joy. Think about families you know where there is no joy, and think of the families without children or have lost their children and they still have the joy of one another."

Scarlet suppressed a weak grin. "Maybe you and Bo should open an office to help people through their emotional difficulties."

"I can't be an effective healer if I don't try to help with the emotional problems as well as the physical ones."

Scarlet's eye's meet Ella's. "Thank you for being an effective healer Ella, and thank you more for just being a good friend. I hope that if you need me to stand by you the way you have stood by me I will do as good a job."

Ella smiled and dropped back as Frtiz rode up.

[Elegant Ella]

Boston

Dr. Abramson came up to Alan after worship services, and handed him a letter from Ella.  "Doesn't she know you've moved out?" he asked.

"No," answered Alan, "she's on an assignment and cannot receive mail."  He decided against waiting, and opened the letter.  "She wished me a Happy Birthday, and congratulated me on the lectureship." 

"Won't you please reconsider your decision to leave the partnership?  We did a lot of good work together," pleaded Samuel.

"There's nothing to reconsider.  I'm leaving Boston in July and setting up practice in El Paso."

"Don't throw your career away, man!  Only failures go out west," argued Samuel.  "You've got a brilliant career ahead of you here.  I've heard rumors that important people have been very impressed by your lectures and you might be invited to join the faculty at a medical school.  Or two.  I saw people from Yale at your lectures this week.  Out west, you're not going to get anything interesting in the way of surgery, unless you like extracting bullets and repairing the damage.  All the papers say that life is so rough and violent there."

"If only failures are out there, my services will be more valuable there than here.  While I was in Vienna, I had forgotten how much competition there is for the wealthy patients here.  You have to spend so many of your evenings attending social events to make sure the potential patients remember your name when their rich diet gives them the stone.  I think Ella did more good with her midwife practice among the women and children of this congregation than I did as a surgeon."

"More fool you, then!" exclaimed Samuel, turning away. 

[Elegant Ella]

Bo and Ella rode quietly next to one another for some time. Bo finally stopped watching the trail in front of Scarlet and Fritz long enough to look over at Ella. "Did you sleep alright last night?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" she replied.

"Your bad dreams are quieter than Scarlet's."

"I don't remember any bad dreams from last night.  I normally only remember my dreams if I wake up during them," replied Ella, starting to blush, remembering the dream she woke up from at 4am.   

Bo half smiled, the look in Ella's eyes almost made him blush but he didn't know why then she blushed herself. Maybe she was learning a few of those flirting techniques from Scarlet.

Bo glanced back to the trail then back to Ella. "I can only recall half of mine and it doesn't matter if I wake up or not. The ones I don't remember I could only tell you if they are good or bad. If fall back to sleep quickly sometimes they pick up where they left off." He looked at Scarlet's back, then his eyes automatically scanned their surroundings; it was a habit of someone who was used to riding into dangerous territory. "Scarlet recalls all of her dreams. Grey Eagle calls her a dream walker. Strange thing is I have seen her in my dreams and when we talk the next day she knows everything that has taken place in them. I always remember the ones she talks to me in."

"I sometimes have prophetic dreams.  Even though I don't always remember them in the morning, events later will remind me of the dream, and I will know what to expect.  I've also had bad dreams that kept resuming.  Sometimes those won't let go even when I wake up," Ella sighed, "like my dreams lately about Alan being angry at me for becoming unwomanly."

Bo looked Ella up and down. "I don't see anything unwomanly about you. If Alan wanted a wife that only knew how to cook and clean I don't think he would have married a girl who was willing to be up to her elbows in blood."

"I don't know if what he wants now in a wife is the same as he wanted ten years ago.  Dr. Abramson was a terrible influence on Alan while we were living there, and I don't know how Alan's life in Vienna might have influenced his ideals for home life." Ella shrugged and continued, "and I have to admit that I have changed, too.  I am much less timid than I was, and more outspoken.  I really like the influence Rose has had on me."

"Rose is a great lady; she has the ability to walk next to presidents or walk next to working ladies and hold their attention, enjoy their company and make them feel equally important. I believe you can do the same." Bo looked into Ella's eyes and smiled. There were enough men interested in Ella that she would not be alone long if Alan was fool enough to leave her, Bo thought to himself. "Somehow I cannot see you keeping house in the city, Ella, but that would be for you to decide. Take the time to get to know Alan again. You both will need time, you've been separated too long. You will either find your love has been strong enough to endure or you will go your separate ways. But don't do the disservice to yourself to stay married to someone you find does not make you happy. Life is too short and too unpredictable to be with someone who doesn't bring that beautiful smile to your face often."

"I hope Alan and I will be able to build a joint practice somewhere in the West.  I can't imagine going back to Boston or any of the Eastern cities and trying to stuff myself back into the acceptable mold of womanly behaviour." Ella sighed, "There's not much point in fretting about it while we're out here.  But I don't think I can bear to just wait in El Paso for Alan to come.  So I'll travel to Boston after we get back to the Starr."

[1stSgt Fritz King]

"No," Fritz replied.  "You go right on talking.  I don't know everything Bo...this is new ground for me."

"Okay," Bo replied.  I'll keep you posted on what I know.  Meanwhile, maybe you should be talking to her instead of me."

Fritz nodded, and clucked a bit to get Strider moving.  The buckskin grunted in acknowledgement.

Ella heard the hoof beats move up in cadence, and dropped back.  As Fritz passed her, she whispered, "Be nice!"

Fritz touched the brim of his slouch. 

As he approached, Lucky looked back at him.  He looked Fritz in the eye, as if to admonish him.  He thought "not you too?"

He came alongside his wife.  He wanted to reach out and touch her, but wasn't sure how she'd take it.  She looked at him; her eyes were ice.  She was resurrecting her walls again. 

"Good Morning Darlin," Fritz said.  "How are you faring?"

She stared at him in silence for a moment, as if trying to find the words.

"Please...talk to me," he asked.     

[Scarlet Angel]

Scarlet looked forward. "Stop." she growled.

It took Fritz off guard until he felt Strider swing his neck to avoid Lucky and saw Lucky's ears laid back.

Her eyes came back to Fritz. There were so many things going through her mind, she didn't know what to say. She wanted to reach out take his hand and tell him she was glad he was here, but she hesitated.  Part of her knew he wanted to be with her, she could feel it, but part of her wondered just what Bo said in order to get him here.

"Good morning. I will be alright." She said quietly looking down the trail. 

Scarlet was thinking about her dreams.  Fritz may not even know the woman she saw and if he did she knew there was nothing more than friendship between them right now. Scarlet knew that, but it would have been very easy to start a fight by inquiring who she was or telling him he'd be better off to search her out.

What Ella had said made a lot of sense, there had been no deception in her words like there had been in Scarlet's dreams.

Scarlet's eyes came back to Fritz's. The eyes that looked back at her were the same ones she'd seen so much joy and laughter in because of their time spent together. They held pain and concern today.

Fritz was the one that had given her back a passion for life. The one she had defended against her father and the men that stood behind him. The one who had fought to be with her. The one that held her close at night and the one who had her heart, which she tried to listen to when it came to Fritz.

Scarlet moved Lucky closer to Strider and dropped her hand to her side. She was still thinking about taking his hand, but she didn't. She was afraid if he rejected her reaching out in any way she would not able to maintain any composure. Last night she had come back to her room, today she didn't think she'd come back so quickly.

He'd held her tight in the night but his words had been very few. Bo had tried to remind her that was because Fritz's emotions were probably as tangled as hers. Scarlet wasn't even sure what he could say to her that would make her feel any better so how could he know, still saying something would have been better than the still darkness.

Fritz had asked her to talk to him; sometimes that was a dangerous request.

"I hurt Fritz." There was sadness in her voice but she was reserved and factual, she could have been talking about herself or a complete stranger. "not physically, my heart is in knots. I promised you I would make you happy when we got married. Right now I feel as if I have failed miserably at that." She looked back down the trail."This is a reminder to me that I cannot give you a family. I cannot be a good mother some day. I can bring you pain, and that is something you don't deserve." She took a short breath  "Maybe you were right when you told Ella I shouldn't have come here."