Who am I...

[Capt. Hamp Cox]

and how did I get in this condition?

[Brazos Bucky Smith]

First thing I'd say is somebody shot you.  REPEATEDLY.   Now I'll try to figure out who you are.

Could this man masscurading as a sive be John Younger, killed by Pinkerton agents in 1874?

BB

[Delmonico]

That be Bill Doolin and a load or two of buckshot from Heck Thomas's shotgun made all them holes.  Rumor is he was already dead  from peemoanya and he did it so he could collect the reward whick he gave to Doolin's widow.  Bill of course didn't mind since he had not bought any life insurance to provide for his family after his death.

[Capt. Hamp Cox]

That be Bill Doolin and a load or two of buckshot from Heck Thomas's shotgun made all them holes.  Rumor is he was already dead  from peemoanya and he did it so he could collect the reward whick he gave to Doolin's widow.  Bill of course didn't mind since he had not bought any life insurance to provide for his family after his death.

Doolin it is.

"Doolin broke out of jail on July 5, 1896. U.S. Deputy Marshal Heck Thomas, who understood Doolin's mind-set better than most lawmen, led a posse that set up an ambush near the house of Doolin's in-laws in Lawson, Oklahoma Territory. Doolin had gone there to pick up his wife and 2-year-old boy and take them to New Mexico Territory, where he hoped to turn over a new leaf. On the night of August 24, Doolin walked west from the house right toward the posse. Thomas supposedly hollered, "Halt, Bill!" Instead, Doolin snapped off at least one shot from his Winchester in the direction of the voice. That's when one of the possemen killed him with a blast from an 8-gauge shotgun. It remains uncertain to this day who actually fired the fatal shot. Marshal Thomas' son, Albert, said that it was either his father or Bill Dunn. 'I have never known positively which one fired the shot that killed Doolin," he told Oklahoma history authority Glenn Shirley in 1957. "My father did not say, and I never asked him. I did not care to know. I do know my father risked his life many times trying to make arrests without a gun fight, and in this instance Bill Doolin had the first shots, regardless of who used the shotgun.'"

Rest of the story is at   http://historynet.com/we/bldoolin_gang/index.html

[Delmonico]

The already dead story I read somewhere, don't remember where or when, but it is an interesting side note.  Havin' been buckshoted (is that a word) aside, he don't look like he was really healthy. 

(I know that sounds dumb, but, well. OK my 2 cents, I'll go check on the sourdough bread.)

[Four-Eyed Buck]

looks like he needed some of your cooking, Delmonico! ;DBuck

[Capt. Hamp Cox]

looks like he needed some of your cooking, Delmonico! ;DBuck

Appears he had some of Del's cookin'.  That's gotta be the worst case a heartburn I ever seen.

[Delmonico]

Rewatch Monty Walsh!