And you didn't think cops had a sence of humor

[GunClick Rick]

 

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

[Haroldhoward]

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands led off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Surely he had a nice sense of humour

[wildman1]

How about "No, I don't know who you are, but I'm pretty sure yer gonna tell me". Thats what I said as I was writin out a ticket fer a gent runnin a stop sign, after he asked me "Don't you know WHO I am. WM

[Shotgun Franklin]

When I was a Special Agent in Houston I had reason to stop a young man and question him. He bowed up and told me that I wasn't a Cop because Cops didn't wear Cowboy Hats and Jeans. It was late, dark and we were in a lonely spot. I told him, 'You better hope I'm a Cop because I've got you and I've got a gun.' He got a lot more polite after that.

[Danny Bear Claw]

Cop pulls guy over for running a stop sign.  Cop says, "I stopped you for running that stop sign".  Guy says, "I slowed down"!  Cop says, "The sign says STOP, not slow down".  Guy says, "Same thing".  Cop says, "Same thing huh"?  Cop yanks guy out of his car and starts beating him over the head with his baton and says, "Now...  you want me to stop or slow down"?

[PJ Hardtack]

Then there's the one about the guy stopped at a road block ...... "'Course I'm driving, Ossifer .... I'm too drunk to walk ...."

I was in such road block once and as a spiff young Mountie walked by, I rolled down the window and asked if there had been an accident. He said "No Sir, we're looking for drinking drivers."
I was coming from x-country skiing and was wet, cold and tired. He looked at me and said "Have you been drinking, Sir?" I said "No, I took a drunk off the road many years ago." He said "How did you do that?" I told him I quit drinking.

He took a second to catch on, then radioed to the RCMP members at the road block - "I'm sending a car through." Back came the response "Roger, that." As he directed me out, he said "And you have a very good Christmas, Sir!"

This puzzled me and I asked an RCMP member I knew about his remark. He said "He was glad to let you through as he knew you weren't going to be the cause of an accident that would mean he or someone else would be knocking on a door with the message that they all hated to give - that someone wouldn't be coming home."