Cowboy rules

[Delmonico]

Cowboy rules for:
Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

[Texas Lawdog]

I like #1 and #16 especially.

[litl rooster]

did Forty Rod retire?

[Henry4440]

Found this Code of the West:

Though the Code of the West was always unwritten, here is a "loose" list of some of the guidelines:
•   Don't inquire into a person's past. Take the measure of a man for what he is today.
•   Never steal another man's horse. A horse thief pays with his life.
•   Defend yourself whenever necessary.
•   Look out for your own.
•   Remove your guns before sitting at the dining table.
•   Never order anything weaker than whiskey.
•   Don't make a threat without expecting dire consequences.
•   Never pass anyone on the trail without saying "Howdy".  
•   When approaching someone from behind, give a loud greeting before you get within shooting range.
•   Don't wave at a man on a horse, as it might spook the horse. A nod is the proper greeting.
•   After you pass someone on the trail, don't look back at him.  It implies you don't trust him.
•   Riding another man's horse without his permission is nearly as bad as making love to his wife.  Never even bother another man's horse.
•   Always fill your whiskey glass to the brim.
•   A cowboy doesn't talk much; he saves his breath for breathing.
•   No matter how weary and hungry you are after a long day in the saddle, always tend to your horse's needs before your own, and get your horse some feed before you eat.
•   Cuss all you want, but only around men, horses and cows.
•   Complain about the cooking and you become the cook.
•   Always drink your whiskey with your gun hand, to show your friendly intentions.
•   Do not practice ingratitude.
•   A cowboy is pleasant even when out of sorts. Complaining is what quitters do, and cowboys hate quitters.
•   Always be courageous. Cowards aren't tolerated in any outfit worth its salt.
•   A cowboy always helps someone in need, even a stranger or an enemy.
•   Never try on another man's hat.
•   Be hospitable to strangers. Anyone who wanders in, including an enemy, is welcome at the dinner table. The same was true for riders who joined cowboys on the range
•   •  Give your enemy a fighting chance.
•   •  Never wake another man by shaking or touching him, as he might wake suddenly and shoot you.
•   •  Real cowboys are modest.  A braggert who is "all gurgle and no guts" is not tolerated.  
•   Be there for a friend when he needs you.
•   Drinking on duty is grounds for instant dismissal and blacklisting.
•   A cowboy is loyal to his "brand," to his friends, and those he rides with.
•   Never shoot an unarmed or unwarned enemy. This was also known as "the rattlesnake code": always warn before you strike. However, if a man was being stalked, this could be ignored.
•   Never shoot a woman no matter what.
•   Consideration for others is central to the code, such as: Don't stir up dust around the chuckwagon, don't wake up the wrong man for herd duty, etc.
•   Respect the land and the environment by not smoking in hazardous fire areas, disfiguring rocks, trees, or other natural areas.
•   Honesty is absolute - your word is your bond, a handshake is more binding than a contract.
•   Live by the Golden Rule.

[Nokose Fixico]

Delmonico I am so happy someone wrote that down. It is like a how too list for living in the real world. Reminds me of what was expecting to read in the first page or two of Southern Living Magazine. I was very disappointed when I did not find it there.

Henry I really like that code of the west too.

[Drayton Calhoun]

Del, thanks!
Henry, isn't it amazing how 'uncouth and uncivilized' the Old West was? I is SO much more civilized today!

[Two-Step]

Here are some I like...

1. Concealed carry implies that you are a liar, a cheat, and/or that you don't trust the people you are around and who you should be on good terms with. Open carry promotes good manners, common courtesy, and legal behavior in others.

2. Vegetarian is an old Indian word for bad hunter.

3. Don't drink down stream from the heard.

4. Don't pee up stream from those drinking down stream from you.

5. If a man is wearing chaps, do not assume that he is looking for a boyfriend. This ain't broke back mountain.

6. Giving from the heart is called charity, charity from the government is called taxes. Offer charity to those in need, who you know and love, then to those in your community. After you have taken care of your own first, then you can worry about the rest of the world.

7. You can pray all day long for something but you are more likely to get it if you earn it.

8. You don't have to like it, you just have to decide if you are going to do it or let someone else have your job.

9. It is better to follow an honest sinner than a false saint.

10. You can trust a card cheat to cheat but you can never know what a politician is going to do.

11. There is a big difference between what is legal and what is right, just like there is a big difference between what punishment and justice is.

12. The concept of hero or villain is a matter of relativity.