New Congressional Proposal

[Sidewinder Sills]

Dateline Washington - March 26, 2006

AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT CONGRESSIONAL ACT

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Tom Daschel. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

Sidewinder~~~~~~(reporter at large)

[Silver Creek Slim]

Yer a might late in yer reporting. It passed in June 1998. 
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28982

Slim

[Trinity]

WOOO HOOOO!!!!!   Finally, the government is lookin' out fer me!

[Lucky Irish Tom]

Heck Trinity, you're so skilled at being unskilled you just might merit an Executive position.

[Cyrille]

Dateline Washington - March 26, 2006

AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT CONGRESSIONAL ACT


The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

I take exception to this particular section of the quote, If you believe that the delivery of the mail has no redeeming value and that the people who are responsible for its delivery have no ambition than you are mistaken! I delivered mail in all kinds of weather conditions hot, cold, rain floods etc. and so did lots of other dedicated  postal employees! I stuck it out putting up with bereaucrats and polticans and retired with pension. I am proud to say that I worked for the U.S.P.S. and believe me friend it was no picnic!  And if anyone believes that we are not judged and/or rated on our indiviual performance of the duties involved you are very mistaken!

[Trinity]

I take exception to this particular section of the quote, If you believe that the delivery of the mail has no redeeming value and that the people who are responsible for its delivery have no ambition than you are mistaken! I delivered mail in all kinds of weather conditions hot, cold, rain floods etc. and so did lots of other dedicated  postal employees! I stuck it out putting up with bereaucrats and polticans and retired with pension. I am proud to say that I worked for the U.S.P.S. and believe me friend it was no picnic!  And if anyone believes that we are not judged and/or rated on our indiviual performance of the duties involved you are very mistaken!

I think that comment was pointed toward the friendly folks at the counters and/or the extremely helpful folks who answer the phones.  The letter carriers are mostly above that.  Unfortunately, mine isn't. 

[Cyrille]

Mr. Trinity;
I've been retired now for ten years, a hellofalot can happen in a decade; wars can be fought and won or loss hurricanes can wipe out the savings of a lifetime, cowardly and dispicable acts of terrorism can be purpertrated and not answered in the most swift and efficent manner, people die and are born, service can apprecate or deteriorate, money can be debased and I'm sorry to say a civilasation can decline or it can hopefully, say "enough" of this 'political correctness B.S.', grab the bull by the horns and have the same bull that pushed it into the quicksand of defeat, pull it out!
  I am in empathy with you on your complaint about less than satisfactory service of your mail carrier, truth be told we've had a few that 'went postal' when I was active in the postal service and some that did things with the mail that never crossed my mind. I don't know maybe it's all in the upbringing!