(Originally posted on SASS Wire.)
Honey, I'm HOOOoooome!!!!
I go away for a week and find that dang girl-kid Never Mind is back...just what them brats at Yagwhatever need: a dang women's auxillary.
What's a bail-if? If I need bail I gotta come to some dang appointee that I didn't get a say-so about?
You're all a bunch of sissies. Nobody had the guts to befoul my lawn, not even them stoopid robins an' sparrows.
My home town is Dogpatch!!! Them folks is so backward they don't even know there's a world outside that valley. They think I was hidin' in the basement for 41 years.
Stop pickin' on Tex. It ain't his fault England ain't got no modern computer technology. Someplaces over here ain't even got toilets. (An' an Englishman invented the dang things.)
Cruise control is the greatest transportation invention since the infernal combustion engine.
Don't drive 2,000 miles without takin' your wallet out of your back pocket. You'll end up with a world class case of TB (Tired Butt.)
Between Ontario, CA an' Logan, UT are 171 miles of construction zone without man, woman, beast of burden, or simplest tool doing anything...save for six miles just north of Provo...just mile upon mile of closed traffic lanes and detours. Otherwise we seldom saw so much as a hand trowel or butter knife in the way of equipment and no evidence of work being done, having been done, or about to be done to account for all those miles of lane closure.
I detest motels.
Vacations are at time of screwed up sleeping schedules, lousy food, fatigue, disappointment, annoying relatives, morons behind the wheels of cars, and horrendous expense.
Damn, I'm glad to be home.